The First Week of May - The Time of O-love

 Another week passed by with so many orienteering event and so little time to write at least something stopid about all of it. There were two official events and two unofficial so I will go back in time and try to write something about each of them briefly. Just notice the report is written retrospectively.

aknamiloF - 6# tnirpS noogarD

.lizarB ot gniniart ykcirt dna ecin eht rof sknahT .yawaddaeH fo etutitsnI the dnuora 9 ot 8 lortnoc morf eciohcetuor tseisae eht ni dekcus I tub hcraM ni trofeserehT morf ecnereipxe ym desu I .ylno sdnoces 01 yb em gnitaeb rovaf sih ni dedne hcihw namdaerB eyR htiw thgif gib rehtona osla dna tneve-O rehtona, yad rehtonA

seciohcetuor ym htiw paM

!ti evahS - 9# eugael-O

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01 rebmun lortnoc ot ekatsim ym htiw pam ehT

ecnatsiD cissalC nileffehcS ta nilehciM lacissalC

.ecnereffid setunim ruof htiw namdaerB eyR taeb yllanif I tsael tA .em htiw secar eht rof nilehciM ylleb ym gnikat ton htiw krow drah emos evah llits I ekil skooL .revo etunim eno naht ssel htiw tsuj laog eht gnissim retfa lufsseccusnu saw "001" eugaeL ehT taeb ot noissim retal ym llits tub detcepxe I naht retteb nur I ylgnisirpruS. htgnel ni sertemolik neetriht ylraen fo sretemarap hsrah htiw tneve ecnatsid lacissalc a rof emac I yadnuS nO.

dehsilpmocca ton noissiM

phisnoipmahC elddiM eugarP

...llihpu dna llihpu ,llihpu saw ti sa tsuj gnihtyna rebmemer ton od I tub tnew I oS .on yas tonnac uoy ellivrecnaC meaT SEY yb dezinagro ecar a si ereht nehW

lanoisseforp a si enoyreve toN

Theatre of Broken Dreams

I run a longly run
The only one that I have ever could
Don't know where it goes
But it's crap to me, and I run along
I run this homeless field
On the Theatre of Broken Dreams
Where vagabonds sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I run along

I run along, I run along
I run along, I run a...

My compass's the only one that runs beside me
My hollow head's the only thing that's sucking
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I run along

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm running down the path
That divides me somewhere in my map
On the contourline
Of the edge, and where I run along
Read between the paths
What's fucked up, and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive, and I run along

I run along, I run along
I run along, I run a...

The roof the roof the roof is on fire!

The Art of Choosing the Right Event

Just when I felt down after another unsatisfying result at the Higland Championship there arrived an envoy with a message to participate at the Anniversary Running Tourism to the Picnic in Prague Botanical Garden. I am not sure if you know the feeling when everybody around is flooding their social media with podium photos but I know it right. So the event I was invited to is really the best one to boost up my mental power.

There is always less than ten runners and three prizes in the final raffle. All you have to do is just to finish the track in at least leisure pace. This year the number of participants was heavily reduced by still ongoing coronacrisis and also by bad weather. Hopefully bad for tourists but excellent for runners. Only problem was to take care about the slippery pavements. The start took place at the Museum of Thimble with only one male and one female contestants.

And after ten kilometers of honest work all around the river of Vltava I reached the finish. All the crowds behind the barriers were cheering as I crossed the finishline despite being the last but one.

Just after the finish I was interrogated by a member of municipal police about my new Hooker One One running shoes. My explanation seemed to be valid so I was freed and could go to the prizegiving ceremony.

I was awarded a nice camping mat. I think I could pass it to some fellow squire but also I obtained a nice diploma.

But the best benefit was a free admission into the Botanical Garden and even in that rainy day I could take a relaxing walk through the different expositions. The highlight in my eyes was the Mediterranean nature. You won't believe you can find such a scenery right in the hearth of Europe.

Don't Stop Me Now Quarantine

Maybe some of you think I am really dead after the previous post... But people who really know me can bet that I will always go on. And with the lockdown I comeback even stronger. As there are no races I joined the alone Run for National Memory. And who did I ran for?

Because everybody knows Milada but when you say Záviš at best some people will remember Red Bridge. So let's fight this historical sexism with ten kilometres! I choose a track near railway station of Stony Weepersville because it looks quite plain even map said so...

... but it was just a deception. There was quite uphill not far from the start. But I decide to show no mercy and even it was rainy I showed to fellow Serbians who is their True ruler! 

All hail the Majesty!

National Mourning - The King Is Almost Dead

On Satruday 12th October the whole nation went into mourning. Because on that day His Majesty announced his first start in orienteering competition after endless nearly four-month break.

Thousands of fellow citizens waiting to see another comeback of His Majesty

His Majesty competed really hard in special venue H21Kings and did a great job finishing at the bronze position. The race took place at Hradešín which name is commonly considered to came from Hrad ('Castle') but my wise researchers found the Truth for me. The name of the village comes from the Harder brother of Charlie Sheen. And was later corrupted into Czech version. We have two main proof just in the map. First the resemblance with Charlie and that the race was hard as fuck!

Map from the race, obviously

Three Times Is Enough

Three races in the first six days of November is more racing than in total of previous six months. But so many checkpoints that these days that the crucial mistake must occur. And obviously it came at control "F" where I fucked it up as I forget that "F"ucking control. Nevermind still it was another unpleasant evening spent with racing and doping. But some dope to encourage memory would help too...

So that was time to say enough is enough. Time has come to drink some ion drinks to get back to balance of mental power and skill. And the best place was weekend trip to pub "By the Cripple" in Icebergmagnifyingglasses above Vltava where you pay fucking 50 pences for one beer and where the Errant Knight of Mapník was holding an anniversary celebration of his lifestyle magazine for better people. Amazing evening spent with golden beverage and even Golden Boy and only few gold was spent.

At Least 1st Appearance at the Last Race

As the season is ending I realized I had to visit at least one race to qualify for the Club championship which is held next weekend at a secret place. Unfortunately the last event of Prague Autumn Cup was organised by club of Very Sadistic Persons who are most famous for their torture races in the steep slopes above Bear River all the way from Blackfemale to Baldhill. However I must appraise their perverse sense of humor when they named the map of the race „Red Clay“ while you have to run 73,2% of the course on grey stones. Ok not in my case, to be honest I don’t run anymore so it was over an hour of walking in terrains which are not suitable even for any mean of human motion.

Red Clay map seen by red-blooded view 

But when I saw the map I was stunned. The section from the start to the checkpoint number 9 was so crushing that it literally made me fell at my ass while crying. Luckily my ass is too big that is was a soft landing and at least I have some short-term souvenir and another lack of mental power too.

Red Clay makes you purple make-up

Back in Madness Business

After some time I went to an O-event. And there is no better place to waste the rest of my ruined mental power than Mental Hospital of Godkrásný. I run the Ultimate category and did ultimately bad as always. But things can always get worse so at the half I realized my headlamp is depleting really quick so I had to run in stealth mode, just turning on my light to check the map. Next time I should check my batteries before the race to not run Ultimate version of Ultimate category. I am too lazy to post map here but fortunately I found a pic of me at the event site. So at least I have something to steal and post here.

BTW: Day before the race I was checking some headlamps. I am used to that after searching some goods at the internet my browser is full of ads for that specific goods. But if I visit one specific shop about which I never heard before and another day I get on train and first I saw is an advertisement for that shop that is quite too much! That really can't be coincidence! I belive I have better chance to get on train and stand head-to-head to our ex-Prime Minister.

Ad for Kronium shop which I visited day before

PPŽ – summary / delay / mercy is still alive in Czech Republic

42./DNS/26./26. on PPŽ 

 KAM/PGP/ROZ/HCE 

 It's time to make some statement about my runs at PPŽ. 

I have a mixed feeling, cause it could have been better, but also much worse. But in retrospective I can say I’m satisfied with not yet the Cup finished. The worst performance came on the second tier during race in which i didn't compete. I lost contact with the race at the forking of underground after I went with metro line A although the race was at the terminal station of line C. Before every PPŽ race I don't feel like I'm going to screw it. I want to fight... but almost everybody is running even better than me. I would write it's really nice to have such a strong bronze men's team... but it could sound a little gay.

---

One really unpleasant experience came on Wednesday afternoon. I entered myself into upcoming Pupils Cup jungle sprint. I asked God if I can start in the race after I finished elementary school in the beginning of this millennium. Nobody cared. So I raced and lost myself. An obstacle appeared on my way to the race. A guy at the train station asked me 14 Czech crowns for ticket from Prague-Havelville to Hostmore. That was cruel. In Czech Republic you know it's advantage to use public transport. After the race of PPŽ I decided to run home on the same day! haha... Fame on you Bottle, Honorpine and others... You shouldn't probably train as much, if such an lame competitor can't finish less then 9-14 minutes after you. I am 25th nobody and nobody care. And everyone is even happy cause I bring my Royal credit to the race. But nobody would have played rules against the Majesty in any case I'm sure. I have no power to glorify anyone because I had to run all the way back home. Although being a not as young - little bit veteran without any ambitions.

They call it Pupils Cup but none from the competitors is pupil and not at all none of them figure high. And when I tried to roll in nettle this is what happened. I'm fucked up. Now I'm focusing just on inside Prague races and international biathlon races for the rest of the year. Current World Cup standings.

(exhausting anabasis back to Kingdom)

Maybe I took it too personally but that's me. I'm not gonna spend fucking 14 CZK on train back home.

A Swan Song at Aswan

It is more than half a year since the last post on this blog but don't be sad, not many orienteering happened in the last six months of His Majesty. As another winter season started it is time to take some serious running drill. Anyway todays cold weather isn't very motivating for any training so why not spend some time in a little bit warmer climate.

So His Majesty visited the land of pharaohs to attended the race "Tour de Nile Valley". The weather was hot and the sightseeing was cool. We visited a sleeping mummy in a tomb near the 3rd control, we waded through the River of Nile, we climbed up steep sandy dunes at the 5th control, we reached the peak of the Pyramid of Cheops at the 9th control.

For other monuments see the map below:

Saint Roland Dilemma

The crucial question of the last days is where to go next week on competition to celebrate the 14th of June - the Saint's day of Roland. The offer is vast but if You want to run Prague races You have to go to the western Bohemia. That is not far from where the western Bohemian races are held at the same time.

That doesn't look like a proper coordination... But maybe there is a reason. Search in the center of the triangle for solution.

Vagus Kros 2015 - Photoreport

The 2015 edition of Vagus kros took place in Highfamousville on Tuesday near one of the newest water treatment facility operated by Veolia.

The competiton was broadcasted directly to Kim and to all people in other advanced people democratic states.

Of Course the stairs couldn't be missed.

And Dan had finally cheered up. 

Only the man on the balcony remained furious. Maybe he was envious that he must stay at home and we should go to the pub "At the Envy."

Sorry Mr Sanders

Another Wednesday is here. Let's spend it as usual with the bucket and Champions League.

However another Prague Chamionship is comming this weekend - the sprint race in Bucharestgrad. So let's change the routine and take a sprint training.

For the Third Time to Fox Gullys

Saturday Prague Short Distance Championship in Big Blacknight had good marketing, good weather, good terrain...

Championship advertisement

 ...everything was good - except my performance. Obviously!

My route-choices

Back in the Saddle - Bohemian Horror Story

Another Easter training camp is over and this year edition should be summarized into two words: a blizzard and a tea boiler. I know it doesn't make any sense in English but in Czech language it is such a funny stuff (blizzard = vánice, tea boiler = várnice). The blizzard reffers to the quantum of snow and the tea boiler reffers to beer drafted in it.

The other side of the camp was the survey of the terrain for the Federalampions under the Saddle which will be held in May. The terrain is hard but nice. However get ready for the close encounters of third kind. The forest around the Castle of Casper is haunted. A couple of White Ladies were spotted in the local inn and His Majesty was attacked by the Ghost of Casper. It came out of nowhere - a cold stab into my head which nearly knocked me out. Not much evidence can be found on the internet  - only a probable appearance of the Ghost of Casper (1st picture) any my real appearance after the attack (2nd picture).

Casper the ghost of Casper Castle

Bloodfie after the attack

From Zero to Hero: VIDEO BONUS

Video HERE!

Red Hand - Dement

„Doufáme, že se Vám nakonec tratě i přes jejich náročnost líbily a že Vás neodradily od Vaší účasti na našich dalších závodech.“

Katie Cash & Springer Pole, 9^th June 2014

Yes, as You hope. I've been discouraged not only from Your races....

But get back to the beginning. The weekend races have balls. Big balls. Exactly the camel balls in that arid conditions. Fortunately down in the village of Littlemonk there is a candy shop where camel balls are distributed. Going faster than 3 miles per hour I managed to finish the "B-class" long distance under 144 minutes and 9 seconds. After the race I had mental power only to have Lidl dinner and to rest until the middle distance competition.

But on Sunday my goblet of bitternes had run over and I give up the race on 19th control from 21. First disqualification after more than one year is a good sign to have a break...

And finally the maps - from Saturday:

and Sunday:

Direction South - Direction Middle-East

Here is a long-delayed article about the latest races of His Majesty on 10th to 11th and on 17th to 18th of May.

The first round of Czech "B" Cup was held on halfway from Prague to the Middle-East region – home of famous clubs like Arabia Shumperq, United Hana Emirates, Zhabistan or Saudi Ostravia. You can also find many petroleum princes in the results like Al Qaydi, Al Da or Al Yosha. But the results were the biggest problem during the races because somebody turnoff the computer during the Sunday race. Briefly the organizers from Heinrichs Graz prepared nice races - rainy and tough.

The first round of Czech "A" Cup was held on halfway from Prague to the Middle-East region – home of famous clubs like Arabia Shumperq, United Hana Emirates, Zhabistan or Saudi Ostravia. You can also find many petroleum princes in the results like Al Qaydi, Al Da or Al Yosha. But the results were the biggest problem during the races because somebody turnoff the computer during the Sunday race. Briefly the organizers from Cownewmoon prepared nice races - rainy and tough.

Wild West and East End

This weekend was full of races around the city of "G" to remind the friendship between Belgians and Hungarians. It consisted of four championships in relays and sprint on Saturday and one local cup race on Sunday. Below is a short summary.

1st leg: In the memory of WWII

The Liberation Cup was held on the Bolevec beach near Oostende(1 on the occasion of the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Belgium(2. It was my premier start in a relay race for my new club and my team was really great: Spermophilus and False Coalman. The controls right after the start were hidden in the Nazi entrechments and the controls in the end were hidden in the mine-fields(3 around beach. The crucial point was the route-choice to the spectators control where one cound choose between drowning in a swamp or running all the way from the east end of Oostende beach. The final poisiton of our team corresponded to being the "A-team." We finished very close to the first position from the bottom.

See track-track Montgomery (orange) versus Rommel (red)

1) The world largest sea harbour beginning with double „O“.

2) Allied forces deliberated Belgium in september 1944 (according to a novel by A.Hitler "How I Lost the War" (88-publishers, Berlin)).

3) Former army mines from WWII are now replaced by under-paper human mines.

2nd leg: Nyugat-Csehország bajnokságot sprint

Center of the afternoon sprint race was situated at the commercial zone of Kossuthvaros(4. I have never seen such an equipped competition centre before. You could get almost everything from cotton candy, jelly snakes and energy celles to antifreeze blend and car wiper.

The competiton area was sweet as the name of the map Makoš II(5 but many of the runners were wandering through the park like Ondřej Vesecký(6 while searching the Nép Stadium in Budapest(7. Precise effort of His Majesty made him finish just in seven-eighths of twenty minutes.

4) Hometown of Lajos Kossuth – Hungarian freedom-fighter.   

5) Makos guba – Hungarian Christmas dessert.   
6) Czech athelete born 1955 in Prague. European champion in 1 500 m (EC 1986 Stuttgart). Holder of IOC Fair-play Award (see „Letná tunnel incident“ for further information).   
7) Former capital city of Slovakia named after a curd spread.

Epilogue: Málo slávy u Úslavy

Honestly Sunday long distance were definitely two middle races divided by two long routes. And finally another Timber(8 gained – mission accomplished.

8) A piece of wood. "Magical artefacts representing a phallic symbol are mostly widespread in native cultures. The object is believed to be followed by an unearthly power". (Charles Darwin – "Descent of Man to Emotions") 

Гробница Деда Мороза

Двенадцатый гонка Пражской зимние лиги состоялась возле Дворе Короля в это воскресенье. Снегу как летом в Сибири и холодно как свинье уссурийске. Побежало се на карте из старой школы - с легендарный рекламой на автобусы дяди ФУЦКЕРА.

Это была грубая гонка. Вы ничего так суровой не будете посмотреть или на следующей неделе в Сочи. Только что вернулся представление в спортивное ориентирование из концентрации, Я пошел в этот смертельной гонке.

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Я потерял это о бороду Санта Клауса...