PIVOC Aftermath

Promises are here to be fulfilled so I went organising TISS & PISS in August. Unfortunately it was too much for me to be really ready for performing on my highest level at PIVOC in Tisonian. I thought I could handle it but I did not. Let's face it I shouldn't have come here. I didn't feel confident and so were my results awful. I'm especially sorry for todays relay where I screwed our chances for Adonys and Coalman.

Yet I haven't said my last word.

See you soon in more suitable shorter runs & beer drinking style for me.

Also very happy for our bronze Neurotic Vomits. You're the BEST. Well deserved.

Moment of calmness before my race

Theatre of Broken Dreams

I run a longly run
The only one that I have ever could
Don't know where it goes
But it's crap to me, and I run along
I run this homeless field
On the Theatre of Broken Dreams
Where vagabonds sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I run along

I run along, I run along
I run along, I run a...

My compass's the only one that runs beside me
My hollow head's the only thing that's sucking
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I run along

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm running down the path
That divides me somewhere in my map
On the contourline
Of the edge, and where I run along
Read between the paths
What's fucked up, and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive, and I run along

I run along, I run along
I run along, I run a...

The roof the roof the roof is on fire!

I Go On MMXX - First Real Race of the Season

It has been more than eight long months since I could visit last normal O-race. So I hope it does not look like an addiction that I went this week almost to the borders of Balkan to make my first start of this season - in the middle of June.

Hopefully with the great effort of organizers everything went smooth. We all know the high moral standard of all O-runners so no Government regulations were vioalted and the event could be held without any difficulties. Just see it by yourself below.

Note: my special programm just censored those few runners who just were in need of doing some activity that prevented them wearing facemask

Center of the race at Pine Parquet

And what about my performance - the best of the season so far I would say. Up and down, I mean mentally down and physically up, that brought me to beat League-100 at least with fine reserve and without extras.

Killed man's map

Despite spending nearly one hunder minutes in the terrain my watches told me I did only maintance training. So I guess it is time to fuck off with training. I am going to be an activist!

Twice around the dial

A Swan Song at Aswan

It is more than half a year since the last post on this blog but don't be sad, not many orienteering happened in the last six months of His Majesty. As another winter season started it is time to take some serious running drill. Anyway todays cold weather isn't very motivating for any training so why not spend some time in a little bit warmer climate.

So His Majesty visited the land of pharaohs to attended the race "Tour de Nile Valley". The weather was hot and the sightseeing was cool. We visited a sleeping mummy in a tomb near the 3rd control, we waded through the River of Nile, we climbed up steep sandy dunes at the 5th control, we reached the peak of the Pyramid of Cheops at the 9th control.

For other monuments see the map below:

Feeding the Media

Another enormous achievment is here - a final breakthrough into the world of printed media. But I am sorry it is only in the Czech language so I performed a shortened translation below:

Spring ...
   At...
season...
to...
race...
nearly...
fought...
   Sunday...
and Central Bohemian...
of first...
hundreds...
up to eighty...
participated...
   The competitions...
bypassed...
with pleasant...
   In the name of...
restaurant...
facility...
preparation...
local...
forest...

Cultural References

A literary story about Saturday sprint race will be available in Your bookstore since Monday 20th April.

Apology: Documentary movie "Proud of Our Club" about ups and downs of SK Praga will never be released for boradcasting because of its lethal heartbreaking emotionality.

For the Third Time to Fox Gullys

Saturday Prague Short Distance Championship in Big Blacknight had good marketing, good weather, good terrain...

Championship advertisement

 ...everything was good - except my performance. Obviously!

My route-choices

Back in the Saddle - Bohemian Horror Story

Another Easter training camp is over and this year edition should be summarized into two words: a blizzard and a tea boiler. I know it doesn't make any sense in English but in Czech language it is such a funny stuff (blizzard = vánice, tea boiler = várnice). The blizzard reffers to the quantum of snow and the tea boiler reffers to beer drafted in it.

The other side of the camp was the survey of the terrain for the Federalampions under the Saddle which will be held in May. The terrain is hard but nice. However get ready for the close encounters of third kind. The forest around the Castle of Casper is haunted. A couple of White Ladies were spotted in the local inn and His Majesty was attacked by the Ghost of Casper. It came out of nowhere - a cold stab into my head which nearly knocked me out. Not much evidence can be found on the internet  - only a probable appearance of the Ghost of Casper (1st picture) any my real appearance after the attack (2nd picture).

Casper the ghost of Casper Castle

Bloodfie after the attack

Another Start of Season on Arrakis

First race in 2014: sand, map-change, great loss, ...

First race in 2015: sand, map-change, great loss, ...

The only one diffrence was that last year I forgot knee-socks and this year I didn't take a mirror with me. So maybe I will have better luck next year.

Aftermath: not only planes are falling down from the sky recently.

So get ready!

A surprise doesn't suppose to be always positive but it has to be big!

And what a big surprise awaited me on Sunday morning.

Organisatia Dementia

When You are organizing the Prague Winter League for two hundreds of competitors, all You need is a couple of people and up to twenty checkpoints....

...but when You are organizing the Prague Championship in Night Orienteering, You need: twenty organizers, fourty checkpoints, twenty diplomas, a stack of permissions. And all that for eighty runners.

But that was the better part of our weekend events in Frontal Kickmeat. The crucial point came on Sunday without Sun and with about three hundreds of cars to be parked.

But first You have to know how it looks like when His Majesty has to park his own carriage. For example at this parking in Coolec:

It is like: "Oh, please stop, don't hit the bus stop!"

So can You imagine someone parking there?

Challenge accepted.

I Go On XXI - Tour des Balkans Petites

Mascocote of the race

One would have expected that Economists know the old Truth: „Time is money.“ But everything is different in the Balkans. So it started with the start which was postponed twice so I had to wait more than twenty minutes more for my first start since my June failure at the Bunny Mine. The race soon gaind steep trend but the best was yet to come. And that was a little excursion to the „Praguebitch Sport Complex.“ There was a crucial choice from 6th to 7th control. There has been a big discussion about the best way but You know the another old Truth: „Who doesn't cheat is cheating own family.“

Being the last boy scout should be very frustrating and could cost a lot of mental power which later I missed for searching checkpoint in the homeless slopes of Vitusmetal Hill. So that happened to be a second disqualification in a row...

Corrected results according to ISSOM

You Cannot Step in the Same River Twice

They say. But You can run over the same valley twice as His Majesty did last weekend. And it took him only night and day to search up every shrubbery in the Wild Valley of Shark brook.

What else to write about the races in the famous orienteering terrain where the premier league in drinking is being held for moreover than thousand years? Better nothing.

And my performance:

Middle night (longer for me): I know the area quite well but I would appreciate better head-light than the Lidl quality one I had. I have scored my personal best in a night orienteering competition (in my first overall start) but there was no chance to go under one hour...

Middle day: Nothing special except the first control which was very tricky. But some of the big fishes also got fooled.

Hayrakes Plant River Slopes

Sunday PWL race was one of the breathtaking moments in the history of orienteering as the map was created by a groundbreaking technology in map-making.

It was very interesting race. Unfortunately the shadows doesn't lie and the promised elevation of 670 metres was also true. For example look at the control 24.

 The dark side of the map was not so veget. So the gray-brown map was much more useful.

After finish I changed my clothes and had about ten minutes until the departure of our train home. But when the competiton centre is in a beer garden of a railway-station restaurant it is a call of duty to have at least one beer. So one big quick medium billy-goat fixed it.

How (Not) To Beat "League 100"

Many years ago my goal was to go under one hundred in Ranking. Nowadays I am a little bit more modest and I wish to finish any classic distance race under one hundred minutes. And my dream have come true last Sunday - really amazing effort in the race by Where? at Convince Your Granny. The race was from average to stupid (controls from 6 to 9) but the main topic was that I went under six thousands seconds!

My watches - it seems it is there...

However then came the moment of Truth - SI read. And I got fucked!

...but it is not. The results.

Hey dude, where the fuck that one minute did appear?! Holy crown....

Caution: Prague Bitches Warn You!

Would You like to know more? ...

The Rocky Horror Majesty Show

I know it is very sad but the (tabloid) media here in the Czech Republic are only interested in death. Fortunately there is an independent reporter Veličenstvo.com who informs You about the greatest achievements and the most breathtaking performances in the world of rock climbing. So here is the story of His Majesty.cz who climbed up the rocks of Bald Peak. Caution: You will not miss blood!

HM.cz climbed like the Superman (I mean the one who can't flight) with the right hand raised forward. It was really astonishing until...

...the Accident. A fatal error which resulted in a heavy wound of the Royal knee.

Although the Royal training load is equal to zero His Majesty still found some time to cheer up the team spirit.

Ví to táta, máma i tchýně -
nejhorší jsou ty sparťanský svině.

"It's Madness." "No, This Is Steeplechase!"

On Wednesday King Veličenstvidas led three Spartans to the battle at Děkankopylae againts the Pgpersian horde and their eastern allies.

This is SPARTAAA!!!

There is no need to write about the race because all was said in the biggest hit of Bohemia 5-days 2003. Just one picture in the moat after the battle.

There was the last order ahead of us: "Spartans! Tonight we dine in souterrain!" And really we Dine Hard there with Zachary, Hubert and Hudecek. But there was one more big obstacle - the way home with a blowing finish just past the tram station. In the morning I can see the miracle of the food chain: what once was my dinner has magically changed to a breakfast for pigeons. That made my day.
 

It's Friday and the ram horns are still there at Red Hill

I Don't Go On I: My Big Premiere Is Postponed

Yesterday had to be a big day as His Majesty.cz was prepared for his debut in the World Series of Bottled Beer. I have never run this race before because it is held at night and it would be very dangerous to compete with a torch or with a candlestick as according to the Protocol I can't use a flashlight. The Pine Bottles Race which has to be held during daylight at nearly Star Game Park was a great opportunity for my first go but the competition was postponed because of heavy loads of water - the worst enemy of drunkards.

It is a pitty, so let's stick to an individual training...

Individual training units prepared in our icehouse

I Go On VII Peaks To Heaven

The Czech O-cup is held once upon a long time in the West. And that time has come this weekend as the Iron Horse of Pilsen bring us to the famous location of Siete Montañas near Pueblo Mezquoletzi. I am still a greenhorn but the seasoned rovers can still remember the brutal bloodbath (Czech Championship 1995) at this place.

My performance was wilder than wild west but I was overdosed with mental power so I could not give up and after nearly two and half hours I reached the finish. Unfortunately in the evening I suffered by a lack of physical power so I could not enjoy the hospitality of local saloons.

My performance in Sunday race was much more better as I spent in the forest less than 100 minutes than the day before. So it was another unbelievable achievment as I finished in the first half of the result list in category H21B (the most prestigious category according to Waterville Carp).
 

The map

Nimburg Trials

The Wednesday PPŽ was called of because of floods so I replaced the race on map with a training according to the movie "Wool Runnings" - drinking of beer and wine combined with bobsleigh at Machalka. But I survived so I could enjoy another races which were organised by DuckTales and Footprint in Nimburg.

1st Trial

The first race took place in the historical center of Nimburg and it was very nice and interesting except the last part which led around the firefighters ground. In the end of the race I acquierd a lesson from precise map-reading. From control number 14 I thought I would use a path through a bush but it was an auxiliary contour line.

Map with my routechoices from the 1 stage

2nd Trial

The second race must have been inspired by Saint Hildegard von Bingen and her world-known nettle medicine. Sprint is a short discipline so the treatment must be very intensive and so it was. The race consists of two doses interrupted by an asphalt circuit around basketball courts. And the result of His Majesty: 17 minutes, 40 seconds, 26th place and happy face (as shown in the picture below).

His Majesty is content after rough nettle therapy

Aftermath

It was a luxury Saturday with interesting races framed by a bunch of local Aftercutting beer.