PIVOC Aftermath

Promises are here to be fulfilled so I went organising TISS & PISS in August. Unfortunately it was too much for me to be really ready for performing on my highest level at PIVOC in Tisonian. I thought I could handle it but I did not. Let's face it I shouldn't have come here. I didn't feel confident and so were my results awful. I'm especially sorry for todays relay where I screwed our chances for Adonys and Coalman.

Yet I haven't said my last word.

See you soon in more suitable shorter runs & beer drinking style for me.

Also very happy for our bronze Neurotic Vomits. You're the BEST. Well deserved.

Moment of calmness before my race

We Are Back In League

After a very long time I went for a training to my so-called domestical forest "The Small Castle." But of course I did not attend Standard training of my club but another edition of O-league. To be honest in 2016 when the place of my daily duties moved to the metro line "C" I had expected that I would attend running trainings more often... And the reality - I have not been there for a single run or football since then.

The Royal Journey around the Castle

So today it was nothing special as I went for a special training held my Mr Freeze. It was very interesting but not good for my mental power in the beginning as I first found the false control number 34. Then I failed to find the control number 33. But later I gained some self-confidence with more and more bunches of controls to came along.

In the end I think I made quite a good performance which was highlighted by beating Rye the Breadman with 34 second margin!

That means noone is allowed to beat me in my Castle.

Guten Laufen Dragoun Sprinten

Heute war gute lauf am Gutenbauden in Straschnitzen. Routen gud prepared, wetter gut. Postupen go almost as planned or planet. Ich war dostižen by OK Tom die Kleine am 9. kontrollen so ich zkusit šůšn aber es trvat only a while. Nach kontrolle 19. schlechte wollben mich chosen. Schlechte war dass auch ich after Dienstag cirkl training my leg hurten badly. Aber as I planned und look back at my zawod bin ich spokojenej. Danke für das závod am going to celebrate by beating Brotbursch und relax.

Heute Karte

Veličenstvo Unlimited: Break It, Break It!

The Fatal Break of Floorball Stick

In the end of January I got the Chinese flu so I skipped two weeks of all physical activity including floorball Monday league with my colleagues. When I had recovered I got a special Valentine's day gift - a bodycheck in the wall when I hit it with my head while falling hardly with my knee on the floor. That resulted I was not able to walk the other day and I had to rest for more than another week... So this Monday I overcame my fears and went for a play of florball after almost two months. Hopefully no part of my body got damaged this time. But I see some serious evidence I should give up this sport forever and rather stick to drink beer.

The Great Break of Motol Rift

On Tuesday I came back to my sport number one. Number one does not mean that I am good at it, just I do it the most. Another O-league was about to take place at one of the most windy place in Prague. What a great choice by Mr Frost but sadly for him he must wait there in cold the whole time. I tried to run but I was still slower than the relicts of dead snails you can see in my map.

Otherwise it was very interesting event. This map is like a box of chocolate - you never know where the control will be:

1. You see a black point in the map and you suppose it is going to be a stone? ... No, it is a concrete structure!

2. You see a black triangle in the map and you suppose it is going to be a heap of stones? ... No, it is a heap of railway sleepers!

3. You see black line in the map and you suppose it is going to be a sandstone cliff? ... Yes, you re finally right, it is a sandstone cliff!

The Tiny Break of the Rules

Another day came and there was another activity for me which was the second round of DSSS that took place in the Orchards of Herald and surronding quarters of Hillsville and Wineyards. The map was very tricky with full of cockroaches so that many competitors were disqualified because of running through them. Just look in the map if you can see them all.

Hills everywhere but not in my watches

Some competitors also missed to "punch" one of the controls and I do not want to sound cocky, but I avoided all of these mistakes. But unluckily near the end I became eliminated too. I thought I would run along the stairs but a wall came in my way so I jumped to the stairway. Well I could go back that about seven meters and everything would be fair, but my race time was already so bad that I saw it better to finish with the same results as some other big fishes of orienteering like Mr Frost, Illman, Timberin, Paul, Joachim von Räsenchin or John Coat and many others.

To jump or not ... well it is just a training

Eighty-eight Shades of Yellow

Spring is finally here and after all the restrictions something is comming back. I mean my secret blog about hopefully nobody cares. This Saturday I went for some really special event Czech O-Tour which took place in connection with World Orienteering Chamionship. Yes you know it right it is like with the Olympics and then ongoing special event (not to be confused with a special operation). And as I wanted to be especially special I was selected to compete in Elite category.

When I arrived to the place I was so aroused to be back in the action so I decided to take a picture of our amazing banner.

Later when I inspected the picture I took I was shocked what was here really going on. Well I see I am getting a bit too old in this world and rather I should stick to compete among swearing and cursing Veterans.

Well but hopefully not everyone in my club is decadent and effent and there are still some heroes who will always fight for the right values as they serve as agents of Warsaw Shield and if you need them just look whether you have the correct number.

Well that was about some stupid pathos now let's get back to the bussines we all love - orienteering. Nothing feels better than finding the right control. Orienteering is just all about the right orientation and right pace, just all you need to have a good race.

Well I know I am fat as fuck and my performation suck but still it feels very inappropriate to give me instructions if I want to continue with running straight after the finish line. Well I should think about it. To run? To drink? Or...

If you want to see the results just download the app for mobile phones. If you weren't there or you didn't notice not everybody is master of his job like it is with me and orienteering.

Last Two Weeks of July

After B.O.T.A.S. I got injured again this time with my left foot so I couldn't train my stamina as much as I would like to. So I had to find some other entertainment...

Hiking: I attended the jubilee 50th trip with my touristic club which was two days in the sandstones of Broumov, the work name should be "His Majesty Quest for Cuesta". But it was more a pilgrimage to the all my fellow fatboys of year 1986. Even my reservoir has reduced a bit I am still with you guys and I love you all!

Translation from Czech: "Fatboys '86"

So I worked out a bit at the challet of Star to put something on my Diet dashboard.

One small lunch for His Majesty, big leap for whole Kingdom

Family: The next week I visited the shire of my royal house - the Esh Principality with royal cemetery at Turretville. There is one speciality in our Royal family that the Crown always belong to the youngest offspring of the King. And Queen Josephine was really a True noble giving birth to six Princes while living one year less than the current Majesty.

His Majesty's Grandfather  (top left) and his five older brothers; Royal grave

And here is maybe one explanation why the Kingdom is still without any heir to the Throne. Not even the beer consumption is making it better.

Racing: However I managed at least one single racing performance: It was 10th stage of Mr. Freezer O-League. That really wasn't my first start at the Damned Dam so I could run big bombs. Just look at the map with my routechoices - the biggest bombs at controls 10, 11, 13 and 14. What a fine boost for my mental power finally!!!

Aftermath: I almost forgot to mention that sometimes I also work. Even I suck it is good to know it can always be worse. So I shoot a short motivation vid present how hard is life when your job is just a piece of shit:

Three Times Is Enough

Three races in the first six days of November is more racing than in total of previous six months. But so many checkpoints that these days that the crucial mistake must occur. And obviously it came at control "F" where I fucked it up as I forget that "F"ucking control. Nevermind still it was another unpleasant evening spent with racing and doping. But some dope to encourage memory would help too...

So that was time to say enough is enough. Time has come to drink some ion drinks to get back to balance of mental power and skill. And the best place was weekend trip to pub "By the Cripple" in Icebergmagnifyingglasses above Vltava where you pay fucking 50 pences for one beer and where the Errant Knight of Mapník was holding an anniversary celebration of his lifestyle magazine for better people. Amazing evening spent with golden beverage and even Golden Boy and only few gold was spent.

Gigantic Achievment

The 15th of Janury 2017 will be written in the history of O-sports in frozen letters as a day of returning of SOC (Skate Orienteering Competitions) to the calendar of PZL after nearly a five year delay. This skating event also became a world record holder of the lowest number of competitors who completed the race on skates. The final number was 0 out of 13 successful runners/skiers.

The race took place at the Floods Pond which really suits to the type of competiton which could be easily described like a waterskiing on ice. So it wasn't weird to absolve a part of the race off the ice.

And no to the results in a brief. An amazing performance by His Majesty - first podium in his first start of year 2017. So let's move to other big aims of this year.

Diploma

Map of Serbian Giant (note: gigantic size)

Ιλιάδα III

Today His Majesty Not-Menelaos, the former king of Sparta, went to pillage Troy - the famous fort in Little Asia (established name for the territory on the eastern shore of Vltava river). Homer's epos contains many useful information about the race but there is not any reference about the steep  arid slopes of Troy hillfort. The elevation to the start is almost equal to the whole climb of weekend relay races which I have already given up. According to Iliad the siege was to last ten years but His Majesty conquered Troy in less than fourty minutes. So it was another very succesful campaign.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of PGP Squad!

This weekend His Majesty celebrated the end of his worst season in PGP jersey. It all started at my volcano and ended near Rabbstein upon Naked Gun River. The night party was so big that it hit the sport news headlines all over the world including ESPN or YouTube.

Sunday: Chilling Frying at Wok 1991
The morning race was a though challenge and I tried very hard. But after taking the countersild route-choice to the 5th control the race became a struggle for life.

But to be honest that wasn't a real mistake. It was a viral advertisement for my new sponsor - BubbleBuzol.

"It points to almost two different Norths, so I can run wherever I want."
"When I can't concetrate I took small mistake."
"When I have hangover I took bigger mistake."
"BubbleBuzol is for guys who are able to mess up the race by themselves."

Ιλιάδα II

Today His Majesty Not-Menelaos, the former king of Sparta, went to pillage Troy - the famous fort in Little Asia (established name for the territory on the eastern shore of Vltava river). Homer's epos contains many useful information about the race but there is not any reference about the steep muddy slopes of Troy hillfort. The elevation to the first control is almost equal to the whole climb on Sunday 12 kilometers long event. According to Iliad the siege was to last ten years but His Majesty conquered Troy in less than one hour. So it was another very succesful campaign.

Map of the race by Heinrich Schliemann

You Cannot Step in the Same River Twice

They say. But You can run over the same valley twice as His Majesty did last weekend. And it took him only night and day to search up every shrubbery in the Wild Valley of Shark brook.

What else to write about the races in the famous orienteering terrain where the premier league in drinking is being held for moreover than thousand years? Better nothing.

And my performance:

Middle night (longer for me): I know the area quite well but I would appreciate better head-light than the Lidl quality one I had. I have scored my personal best in a night orienteering competition (in my first overall start) but there was no chance to go under one hour...

Middle day: Nothing special except the first control which was very tricky. But some of the big fishes also got fooled.

Die Lustige Tabellen aus Sudetenland

Die Zwitterhütte

 

 Das Geheimnis des doppeltes Finger

   Das Zweite Gebot: "Du sollst den Namen des Monarchen, deinen Herrn, nicht unnützlich führen."

Captain Contour Strikes Back

This is how the profile of my race should look like if I had finished it:

And here is the reality:

The competition was organised by the Hispanic club of Los Melnikos in the forest of Los Sarcamento. The name of the map "General Sakra" refers to the disillusion when Your find out that white means green and green means Sarcamento State green. So after two-months Summer break I chose a tactic called "start-4th control-finish" which was almost the best one... Alas the fourth control was on the other edge of the race area. To the best of My belief I can say it was one of the worst Autumn PPŽ that I have ever run. If You are curious about the results than visit the website of the race.

Ιλιάδα

Today His Majesty Menelaos, the king of Sparta, went to pillage Troy - the famous fort in Little Asia (established name for the territory on the eastern shore of Vltava river). Homer's epos contains many useful information about the race but there is not any reference about the steep muddy slopes of Troy hillfort. The elevation to the first control is almost equal to the whole climb on Saturdays 15 kilometers long event. According to Iliad the siege was to last ten years but His Majesty conquered Troy in less than one hour. So it was another very succesful campaign.

Map of the race by Heinrich Schliemann

Veličenstvo Went Green!

As the season is underway and the weather is hot and sunny at the end of May it is a perfect period to improve map skills. So why not take a short map training in the near forrest of Little Voice at Not-bushville. Here are the maps:

Now I can tell You it is a disgusting advertising trick as the woods around Not-bushville are full of bushes. The map from Prague Winter League is really cool but today it should look almost like the former flag of Libya. And so was the weather - cold and rainy.

2nd PPŽ - Race at Necky Forrest

I am not sure what was the most f*cking about the race: f*cking weather or my f*cking routechoice... Anyway I really like the F word because there is the word King in it. As no results have been available yet I can tell you that my true race time was really astonishing.

Royal map with Jester's routechoice

9.034!!! ....Not Ranking Points But Seconds On The Track

After my unsuccesful performance at Prague Long Distance Championship in 2011 (also known as Boran's Rocky Nests) I gathered all of the residues of mental power to accept another challenge – Prague Long Distance Championship 2013 in Screamhezky. My prediction of 150 minutes was almost precise. My race was two and a half hour and thirty-four seconds of stones, ravines, hills and stones. Ravines, stones, hills, stills, hivines, raills... Together with mud, brooks and a lack of refreshment points it was really a Solar Armageddon - and my performance was almost equal to Casper Van Dien – with one word: garbage!

As the competition center was situated in the forrest theater this article is ended by a folk poem about the race.

P.S.: Ask dad if you want to see the map.

Only Thirteen Hours To (Oh-My-)Go!

Only twelve hours are left to the start of Prague Championship on long distance. The drama takes place at the forrest theatre in Screamhezky. Now it is not clear whether it would be a comedy or tragedy but there will be one special quest: His Majesty.

But the whole race is really a mystery for me. I tried to read the instructions but Czech language is truly very hard to understand.

 

Sparta? No, This Is Madness!!!

On Wednesday I attended the opening stage of one of the most famous world O-series (the one where nobody ask you about your Czech ranking) - The Pe-Pe-Zhet 2013. The race took place in the areal of Bohnice Psychedelic Hospital. My performance was astonishing but after my amazing race I was disqualified. I don't know where I made the mistake and it was only a training but the result is really killing me...
So now I am writting from my cage in the pavilon number 27 - the section for patients suffering with mentalpowerlessia.