Eighty-eight Shades of Yellow

Spring is finally here and after all the restrictions something is comming back. I mean my secret blog about hopefully nobody cares. This Saturday I went for some really special event Czech O-Tour which took place in connection with World Orienteering Chamionship. Yes you know it right it is like with the Olympics and then ongoing special event (not to be confused with a special operation). And as I wanted to be especially special I was selected to compete in Elite category.

When I arrived to the place I was so aroused to be back in the action so I decided to take a picture of our amazing banner.

Later when I inspected the picture I took I was shocked what was here really going on. Well I see I am getting a bit too old in this world and rather I should stick to compete among swearing and cursing Veterans.

Well but hopefully not everyone in my club is decadent and effent and there are still some heroes who will always fight for the right values as they serve as agents of Warsaw Shield and if you need them just look whether you have the correct number.

Well that was about some stupid pathos now let's get back to the bussines we all love - orienteering. Nothing feels better than finding the right control. Orienteering is just all about the right orientation and right pace, just all you need to have a good race.

Well I know I am fat as fuck and my performation suck but still it feels very inappropriate to give me instructions if I want to continue with running straight after the finish line. Well I should think about it. To run? To drink? Or...

If you want to see the results just download the app for mobile phones. If you weren't there or you didn't notice not everybody is master of his job like it is with me and orienteering.

Two Runs in One Afternoon

Because one race in one day is not enough for me I chose to made two appearances within less than one hour on Tuesday.

Episode I: O-league vol. 5

The first event was organized by Mr. Frost in a Chimickee Groove that lies between Nicegods and Marevilles. The director of O-league serie made very good effort to map every single shit in the terrain. And there was a lot of stinky shits out there. So everybody who run this race in medical veil was in big advantage.

The most shitiest spot in the forest

  

The race contained four laps two on each side of the map. I made again quite good effort especially when running the Ulitmate category without paths in the map. But in the last lap I was caught up by Mr Carbon so I put the map in my pocket and just raised my carbon footprint all the way to the finish. I know it is a bit unsportsmansmanlike and non-ecological but this hack helped me to defeat Rye Breader and that definetly a worthy scalp.

As long as some hackers are putting some mess to my social networks I again had problem to get the virutal rerun of my race to Diet. Anyway as long as the race is still on I won't show you the track to keep it fair play. However I still saved some data and you can enjoy my routechoice in pic below. I know the view is thrilling but the reality was much more bushy than my hairy arm.

Rerun of my effort

Episode II: Givemores Road 10K

        

Even without running an O-event just hour ago this race is hard as diamond on my Crown. It's ten beerometers of hard work mostly on asphalt or paving. You can find only two positives: first there is plenty of refreshment points on the track and second you can never run out of mental power during this event.

Map of Givemores Road 10K

Here are some of the highlights from the race:

        

1st checkpoint and start at Tocancercarrier Pub: some athletes were late some didn't even find the start...

2nd checkpoint at Longlasting Caffé: scared waitress thought we are some kind of covidriders so we must keep distance there...

3rd checkpoint at Givemores Falconery: if you are a falcon you can jump over the goat but when you run this race u must suck a goat and go ahead...

4th checkpoint at Sharpening Machine: first crucial point - the point where you could show if you were sharp enough to choose the right storey and if you could try for first escape from the peloton - that in my case ended in the nearest fast-food...

5th checkpoint at Givemores Railway Station: we spent some nice time with pleasant chat about God while eating kebab. Then flushed it with quick Oldspring and moved on...

6th checkpoint at Beer Certainty: I took it easy and got low degree Factory wastewater. It was at discount offer so win-win situation...

7th checkpoint at By Yawners: not bad visit, Musa put the ball in the net, I put the "G" down my throat...

8th checkpoint at Budvarka: Postman closed the office so we had to go round another corner to drink Czech national treasure...

9th checkpoint at Oasis: what a disappointment. Really like a True oasis with some Arabic marketplace. We had to pay baksheesh to the barman then to self-called bodyguard. Hopefully they had no dog or camel otherwise we had to bribe them too. So after my most expensive Braník in my live (100 CZK) we took straight direction to the finish...

10th checkpoint and finish at Clubhouse: to drink the last beer we had to use our fine motor skills at its best because it consisted of two small beers poured from bottle into a plastic cup. But we made it and here is the Hall of Fame ... or Shame ...

10K Winning Team

Once Upon a Time There Was a Forest...

I hardly ever visit races of Economical Prague Orienteering. I make about one of this runs yearly but when there was an event held by Archduke I couldn't say no. So I board on my royal carriage and went to the very east ending of Combs to Sugarhilltop.
The race was pleasant mixing hot and cold or bright and dark spots depends if you ran over the vast glades or in the narrow ravines. I can't say I made a bad run. I put in such good effort that resulted just behind the top 10. You can see me at the first-first position...

Results
Note: I highlighted my position because I am not sure if you all understand Czech

... Alas here comes the usual issue with mental power. As there are now races lately I am hopefully still abundant of mental power. Unluckily this goes along with shortage of map practice which results in mistakes and depletion of mental power. Yeah I see you already knew that. Noone can never mess with mental power. Maybe I need my personal Mentat. Like that guy who turned woods there into dusty plains using harvesters.

Whether the displaying of the race map is strictly prohibited by the organizers I still don't want to disappoint my readers (all two of You). So here is just a teaser. Enjoy it my sweathearts!

Map of the race with significant television tower

Gigantic Achievment

The 15th of Janury 2017 will be written in the history of O-sports in frozen letters as a day of returning of SOC (Skate Orienteering Competitions) to the calendar of PZL after nearly a five year delay. This skating event also became a world record holder of the lowest number of competitors who completed the race on skates. The final number was 0 out of 13 successful runners/skiers.

The race took place at the Floods Pond which really suits to the type of competiton which could be easily described like a waterskiing on ice. So it wasn't weird to absolve a part of the race off the ice.

And no to the results in a brief. An amazing performance by His Majesty - first podium in his first start of year 2017. So let's move to other big aims of this year.

Diploma

Map of Serbian Giant (note: gigantic size)

I Go On MMXV - Pioneer of New Method

As the Prague Short Distance Championship fully revealed my weaknesses - low fitness, poor orientation, lack of mental power - I decided to improve my skills. So I started my training with the new feature on Maps.cz called MaMRD (Mapy.cz Memorized Round Distance). Truly it isn't as gorgeous as the gueorgious corridors. But still it is a cool training method. The rules are simple: complete the lap in the set time limit. For the first time I picked the easiest level.

And my result was astonishing - I had reserve of almost two hours (excatly my time was 1:53:09 under the limit). So I can now advance to the next level easily.

From Zero to Hero

What to do when my running is slowly turning into walking? Then there is nothing better than joining the running section of the Czech Tourists Club. There is a lottery with nice prizes and only one condition - reaching the finish.

The first encounter was last June when we attended the run from the Museum of Thimble to the Botanic garden. There were five runners and three prizes. So it looks promising, BUT!

The second encounter was this Saturday - the first day of Spring. The run started at Deeppegs, with an impasse to Ghoulyně Train Station and then going past the Dam of Aswan finishing at the Solar Square. Unfortunately we had Gabriela-Soukalova-alike start (see the electric pencil analysis below).

But all well that ends well (or near a well - but at the best near a kiosk with a tap)! This time we "solve" the lottery and win a backpack.

Another Aspect of the World of O

After more than three months of wasted attemps to finish a race without being disqualified I focused on the other side of orienteering - ripping off the runners. 

On Saturday I started with my demo fast food at the race on Wax Crayon. However this enterprise had rapidly gone to an economical suicide. We ran out of sausages, bread, charcoal... In the end we had only green and rain.

But I'm preparing a new brand for worldwide expansion just now. Soon in every castle around Europe.

On Sunday I was put away to the outermost part of the competition area to patrol our lampions againts the eastern horde. Although the banishment I had royal conditions there. As usualy.

Ivánek, my friend, can You talk?

The Czech O-team photo reveals who is behind the latest achievments of its members.

There is going to be a big interview with Ian Miner in the new issue of Czech Orienteering magazine or in Sunday Lightning.

Coming Out

Let's brush up the former glory.

Brokeback Slope

The third stage of The Prague Winter League 53*38 took place among the cowboys of the Brokeback Slope in the Wild West. I appreciate this event very much because it raised incomes in our family saloon.

What a lovely and warm name

"Treat others the same way you want them to treat you." (Luke 6:31). It is True but bussines is bussines. And the Holy Bible does not say anything about (not) serving G-mud to friends.

Back to the sport. I also attended the race and visited every checkpoint in the forest including the lookout-tower. The first half of the race I was pursuing Sparrow ahead of my palm. Then the second half I was trying to catch the pigeons flying out of my nose.

The Devil's Comb

Sergei Stokurev Race

100-control race took place yesterday. But my disappointing performance kick me down to the second league so I had to find only 76 checkpoints. A brief story from my run is described below.

1st control - done

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Finsh - end

Go home

Three Flews Over Discoo's Nest

The Prague Winter League 38*53 has started this weekend by its first stage: "The Flew Over Three Ravines". The competition center was situated at the chocolate reservoir of the central Bohemian hamlet of Nice Piss - next destination for the network of Prague underground. The map named Chocolate Star II was a little bit enhanced map for MTBO. But the main elements were as usual: green forests and yellow meadows. Look below.

Map of the race with my Web-click-tool track

And what about my performance? Seriously nothing to talk about. I have been disqualified because of the false start according to the starting photo.

Ultimate evidence of my misconduct

Finally I have been banned from all orienteering events untill the end of November. So it is time to rest a little bit...

See You in December.

Spartan Race - Just Surrender It!

The preparation for todays Spartan race was not very proper as I visited the high school reunion party after 8 years and so I came back home at three o'clock in the morning. Due to this abundance of hangover power my performance finally led to a total defeat and surrender in the Settlement of Vixen...

The day started famously in the morning as I went by the public love wagon full of passion and Mexican rapers.

 

All started at Sparta Arena and the adventure includes everything.

Mud

Home of the 99 Praga workers

Tricky obstacles

And of course breathtaking panoramas...

After Hundred Years In A Quarantine And At A Football Game

The preparation for Waterville Carp is going on so I have not much time to write about some not-top races which I attended last weekend. So here is a short report.

Saturday 10/05/13: Sprint race at Jirovec Square. And it was very prestigious race as His Majesty was kept in a quarantine. The time of the day was 20:42.

20:42

My routechoice at the sprint at Jirovec Square

Sunday 10/06/13: Classic distance at Sugartop. The competition center was in Claymore. The highlight of the day was the match of Junior Carp League between Claymore and Lower Shoreville. The final result was 5:7 as the home team scored once from penalty and twice from free-kick (so they have to visit Waterville to gain more ammunition for their next play).... And my race. I became dead after 4th control but then I got enlighted at 8th control and scored the best routechoice of October.

Junior Carp League match of Claymore against Lower Shoreville

The routechoice of the month at Sugartop

Vomit Gall at Gall

My time: HH:BG
My place: not last but not least
Weather: sunny, hot
Last refreshment point: after one quarter of the track

Map of the class H21B with my routechoice

Report will come later after the Sunday race.

La Pérégrination sur la Corse

Car la chaleur dans notre Royaume était insupportable, j'ai eu aller sur une mission à l'étranger. Le plan a été flânerie quelque part entre de 2,5 mètres sous à 2,5 km au dessus du niveau de la mer. Étonnamment, j'ai rencontré plusieurs des grands personnages de la scène mondiale du course d'orientation.

 

Le cheval noir de saison prochaine

 

Le sud retardé de la France regorge également de nombreux membres de la famille noble ramifié De Flacon.

Marquis Goudale de Flacon appelée Blonde

Dans Bocca San Pedru j'ai rencontré Monsieur Le Petit Sanglier avec ses porcchevaliers.

La Majesté (3eme à droite) avec Les Sangliers

Dans la refuge sous Monte Rotonodo j'ai été interviewé par un journaliste du quotidien allemand "Der Blitz."



Der Reporter Zhaly.de

 
Après l'achèvement de tous les obligations sociaux il a été temps approprié pour un peu d'hygiène royal.
 

La Majesté avec la baignoire naturelle

"It's Madness." "No, This Is Steeplechase!"

On Wednesday King Veličenstvidas led three Spartans to the battle at Děkankopylae againts the Pgpersian horde and their eastern allies.

This is SPARTAAA!!!

There is no need to write about the race because all was said in the biggest hit of Bohemia 5-days 2003. Just one picture in the moat after the battle.

There was the last order ahead of us: "Spartans! Tonight we dine in souterrain!" And really we Dine Hard there with Zachary, Hubert and Hudecek. But there was one more big obstacle - the way home with a blowing finish just past the tram station. In the morning I can see the miracle of the food chain: what once was my dinner has magically changed to a breakfast for pigeons. That made my day.
 

It's Friday and the ram horns are still there at Red Hill

I Don't Go On I: My Big Premiere Is Postponed

Yesterday had to be a big day as His Majesty.cz was prepared for his debut in the World Series of Bottled Beer. I have never run this race before because it is held at night and it would be very dangerous to compete with a torch or with a candlestick as according to the Protocol I can't use a flashlight. The Pine Bottles Race which has to be held during daylight at nearly Star Game Park was a great opportunity for my first go but the competition was postponed because of heavy loads of water - the worst enemy of drunkards.

It is a pitty, so let's stick to an individual training...

Individual training units prepared in our icehouse

I Go On VII Peaks To Heaven

The Czech O-cup is held once upon a long time in the West. And that time has come this weekend as the Iron Horse of Pilsen bring us to the famous location of Siete Montañas near Pueblo Mezquoletzi. I am still a greenhorn but the seasoned rovers can still remember the brutal bloodbath (Czech Championship 1995) at this place.

My performance was wilder than wild west but I was overdosed with mental power so I could not give up and after nearly two and half hours I reached the finish. Unfortunately in the evening I suffered by a lack of physical power so I could not enjoy the hospitality of local saloons.

My performance in Sunday race was much more better as I spent in the forest less than 100 minutes than the day before. So it was another unbelievable achievment as I finished in the first half of the result list in category H21B (the most prestigious category according to Waterville Carp).
 

The map