A Swan Song at Aswan

It is more than half a year since the last post on this blog but don't be sad, not many orienteering happened in the last six months of His Majesty. As another winter season started it is time to take some serious running drill. Anyway todays cold weather isn't very motivating for any training so why not spend some time in a little bit warmer climate.

So His Majesty visited the land of pharaohs to attended the race "Tour de Nile Valley". The weather was hot and the sightseeing was cool. We visited a sleeping mummy in a tomb near the 3rd control, we waded through the River of Nile, we climbed up steep sandy dunes at the 5th control, we reached the peak of the Pyramid of Cheops at the 9th control.

For other monuments see the map below:

Saint Roland Dilemma

The crucial question of the last days is where to go next week on competition to celebrate the 14th of June - the Saint's day of Roland. The offer is vast but if You want to run Prague races You have to go to the western Bohemia. That is not far from where the western Bohemian races are held at the same time.

That doesn't look like a proper coordination... But maybe there is a reason. Search in the center of the triangle for solution.

Ιλιάδα III

Today His Majesty Not-Menelaos, the former king of Sparta, went to pillage Troy - the famous fort in Little Asia (established name for the territory on the eastern shore of Vltava river). Homer's epos contains many useful information about the race but there is not any reference about the steep  arid slopes of Troy hillfort. The elevation to the start is almost equal to the whole climb of weekend relay races which I have already given up. According to Iliad the siege was to last ten years but His Majesty conquered Troy in less than fourty minutes. So it was another very succesful campaign.

Feeding the Media

Another enormous achievment is here - a final breakthrough into the world of printed media. But I am sorry it is only in the Czech language so I performed a shortened translation below:

Spring ...
   At...
season...
to...
race...
nearly...
fought...
   Sunday...
and Central Bohemian...
of first...
hundreds...
up to eighty...
participated...
   The competitions...
bypassed...
with pleasant...
   In the name of...
restaurant...
facility...
preparation...
local...
forest...

Cultural References

A literary story about Saturday sprint race will be available in Your bookstore since Monday 20th April.

Apology: Documentary movie "Proud of Our Club" about ups and downs of SK Praga will never be released for boradcasting because of its lethal heartbreaking emotionality.

Organisatia Dementia

When You are organizing the Prague Winter League for two hundreds of competitors, all You need is a couple of people and up to twenty checkpoints....

...but when You are organizing the Prague Championship in Night Orienteering, You need: twenty organizers, fourty checkpoints, twenty diplomas, a stack of permissions. And all that for eighty runners.

But that was the better part of our weekend events in Frontal Kickmeat. The crucial point came on Sunday without Sun and with about three hundreds of cars to be parked.

But first You have to know how it looks like when His Majesty has to park his own carriage. For example at this parking in Coolec:

It is like: "Oh, please stop, don't hit the bus stop!"

So can You imagine someone parking there?

Challenge accepted.

Asylum Majesty Production Presents

From Zero to Hero

What to do when my running is slowly turning into walking? Then there is nothing better than joining the running section of the Czech Tourists Club. There is a lottery with nice prizes and only one condition - reaching the finish.

The first encounter was last June when we attended the run from the Museum of Thimble to the Botanic garden. There were five runners and three prizes. So it looks promising, BUT!

The second encounter was this Saturday - the first day of Spring. The run started at Deeppegs, with an impasse to Ghoulyně Train Station and then going past the Dam of Aswan finishing at the Solar Square. Unfortunately we had Gabriela-Soukalova-alike start (see the electric pencil analysis below).

But all well that ends well (or near a well - but at the best near a kiosk with a tap)! This time we "solve" the lottery and win a backpack.

A Bridge Too Far

My first appereance in the ongoing PWL season was planned as a big ceremony of the 70th anniversary of the Operation Market Garden. Sorry I will not give You anymore information about my performance. Do You want to know more? Than watch it on TV Frnda.

Operation plan by Montgomery (left) and my route-choice (right)

But now I am really afraid of the oncoming Saturday race at Hammer where the bridges will be maybe intelligent but certainly they will be much more farther...

Egggate

Today around 7 am His Majesty became a victim of unprecedented act of violence. The eggassination took place on the Royal Way at Monte Rosso while His Majesty was on his routine way to the Office. His Majesty escaped without taking any serious injury and continue in service for his people.

Photographic documentation of the crime scene:

And here is the press release for Our serfs:

Another Aspect of the World of O

After more than three months of wasted attemps to finish a race without being disqualified I focused on the other side of orienteering - ripping off the runners. 

On Saturday I started with my demo fast food at the race on Wax Crayon. However this enterprise had rapidly gone to an economical suicide. We ran out of sausages, bread, charcoal... In the end we had only green and rain.

But I'm preparing a new brand for worldwide expansion just now. Soon in every castle around Europe.

On Sunday I was put away to the outermost part of the competition area to patrol our lampions againts the eastern horde. Although the banishment I had royal conditions there. As usualy.

Coming Out

Let's brush up the former glory.

Again 2 Billy Goat? Rather Not!

The start of this year did not catch me up in a good shape. After losing the yellow jersey of PWL last week in the race "The Classic of Three Kings without King,"  I made my first participation in the Billy Goat Race. In the beginning it was good but in the middle it became as scary as the Czech animated horror movie "Goat Story."

Oh My Goat! I'm so frightened

It was more than two and a half of hours of suffering, pain and wandering around the control X. Then I finally reached the finish and can go home. Anyway according to the latest counts I have scored over 300 points. And that means my overall best score ever in a single race. And there is also another one reason to celebrate. As You can see in the chart below it was my best race of current season in the points per minute succes rate.

Simply the Best (of All Mutants)

Spartan Race - Just Surrender It!

The preparation for todays Spartan race was not very proper as I visited the high school reunion party after 8 years and so I came back home at three o'clock in the morning. Due to this abundance of hangover power my performance finally led to a total defeat and surrender in the Settlement of Vixen...

The day started famously in the morning as I went by the public love wagon full of passion and Mexican rapers.

 

All started at Sparta Arena and the adventure includes everything.

Mud

Home of the 99 Praga workers

Tricky obstacles

And of course breathtaking panoramas...

Moose Porn? Thanks, Not!

If You are a fan of sex with ungulate animals You have two main options:
1) visit webpage mylittleponny.horseporn.org.
2) attend a race held by Lame Orienteering Suckers.

 

After the September counterstrike of Captain Contour at Shark Ass Valley there was another pearl awaiting on Saturday. The former military area was a scenery for a thriller reported as the "Green Terror in Upper Withoutthanksville". This epithet does not report to the forgotten relicts of Peoples Army but to the abundant vegetation. And what about my performance: it was really impressive effort and I also had to mobilize all of my mental power to spent 78 minutes on middle distance.

2013 Zombie Ravine - Middle Distnace

The Sunday middle distance is over so here is a small article about my performance at the Zombie Ravine.

The Race

My race started in nice atmosphere as all the categories from H21A to H21E in my minute were occupied by Prague bitches...

La Pérégrination sur la Corse

Car la chaleur dans notre Royaume était insupportable, j'ai eu aller sur une mission à l'étranger. Le plan a été flânerie quelque part entre de 2,5 mètres sous à 2,5 km au dessus du niveau de la mer. Étonnamment, j'ai rencontré plusieurs des grands personnages de la scène mondiale du course d'orientation.

 

Le cheval noir de saison prochaine

 

Le sud retardé de la France regorge également de nombreux membres de la famille noble ramifié De Flacon.

Marquis Goudale de Flacon appelée Blonde

Dans Bocca San Pedru j'ai rencontré Monsieur Le Petit Sanglier avec ses porcchevaliers.

La Majesté (3eme à droite) avec Les Sangliers

Dans la refuge sous Monte Rotonodo j'ai été interviewé par un journaliste du quotidien allemand "Der Blitz."



Der Reporter Zhaly.de

 
Après l'achèvement de tous les obligations sociaux il a été temps approprié pour un peu d'hygiène royal.
 

La Majesté avec la baignoire naturelle

"X Never, Ever Marks The Spot"

And I did not follow maps to buried treasure... The maps led me to two ultimate defeats.

Magnus Hummus Cup Sprint And Relays

In a flash: no maps = no stupid article.

But I have one very interesting hint: after finishing your race, find out if you are not supposed to run another race the same day. Sometimes it is better to wait for the evening to start a party.

But His Majesty must perform his tasks:
Before the Saturday relays started His Majesty had to greet with four envoys from Montenegro, one from Siberia and one from Laughtertown.