Guten Laufen Dragoun Sprinten

Heute war gute lauf am Gutenbauden in Straschnitzen. Routen gud prepared, wetter gut. Postupen go almost as planned or planet. Ich war dostižen by OK Tom die Kleine am 9. kontrollen so ich zkusit šůšn aber es trvat only a while. Nach kontrolle 19. schlechte wollben mich chosen. Schlechte war dass auch ich after Dienstag cirkl training my leg hurten badly. Aber as I planned und look back at my zawod bin ich spokojenej. Danke für das závod am going to celebrate by beating Brotbursch und relax.

Heute Karte

Sorry Mr Sanders

Another Wednesday is here. Let's spend it as usual with the bucket and Champions League.

However another Prague Chamionship is comming this weekend - the sprint race in Bucharestgrad. So let's change the routine and take a sprint training.

No Work - No Pies

Today, in the 21st century, everybody can be a head chef. So His Majesty presents you three cheap and disgusting recipes.

 

#3: Kidney pie

#2: Liver pie

#1: Throat pie

Direction South - Direction Middle-East

Here is a long-delayed article about the latest races of His Majesty on 10th to 11th and on 17th to 18th of May.

The first round of Czech "B" Cup was held on halfway from Prague to the Middle-East region – home of famous clubs like Arabia Shumperq, United Hana Emirates, Zhabistan or Saudi Ostravia. You can also find many petroleum princes in the results like Al Qaydi, Al Da or Al Yosha. But the results were the biggest problem during the races because somebody turnoff the computer during the Sunday race. Briefly the organizers from Heinrichs Graz prepared nice races - rainy and tough.

The first round of Czech "A" Cup was held on halfway from Prague to the Middle-East region – home of famous clubs like Arabia Shumperq, United Hana Emirates, Zhabistan or Saudi Ostravia. You can also find many petroleum princes in the results like Al Qaydi, Al Da or Al Yosha. But the results were the biggest problem during the races because somebody turnoff the computer during the Sunday race. Briefly the organizers from Cownewmoon prepared nice races - rainy and tough.

Race of Mrrrrrr!ching Hill

The start of the spring orineteering season was launched on the planet of Dune just outside the Atreides military base. The terrain was rough and the sandworm nearly ate my legs.

Remains of the treacherous attack

I tried my best but nevertheless my progress through the race was slower than the Ordos saboteur. The Vagus Mobile has overtaken me like Shinkansen just after the map change (new Personal achievment: "to make a change of a map during a race"). But it was a tough competition between me and Slovakian Croissant on the second lap. Anyway my mental power has risen at the roundabout in the northern part of map where I saw Charcoal Burner and gained some self-confindence that I would not take the Timber. And so it was. Anyway finishing my first race for my third club not on the last position marks great expectations for the upcoming season.

Map of the race with the whole track H21L. For the results, splits and my routechice ask my mentat.

It Sparkles for Better Times?

The 11th stage of PWL – Good Old Sparklava took place near Drydocks in a small village of Notnachomore – the home of organic food company Country Life.

It was very cold weather but the surroundings seemed hot – the proximity of the famous colony of Hot Slope was indicated by the rainbow waterslide in the local camping site on the way to the first control.

And what about me. I was limited by a heavy wound after falling backwards on a birch stump which nearly ripped my body to my bones. However I finished the race which had been my first appearance in the new jersey and as I look at the results the Battle of Log would be a tough challenge this season. Mainly with Charcoal Burner.

If You don't want to see my route-choice then click here.

Do They Know It's Christmas Time At All?

WTF? Christmas have to be the time of calm contemplation in front of a television and eating.

But because of the despotism of the organisers of O-activities His Majesty had to run and drink.

Here is a short summary of the Christmas festivities.

Saturday morning: Heroes of Mice & Magic 

The 6th stage of PWL was set up around Yizhaak, Yizhaak - the city of shattered dreams with a competition centre near the Guestcook Dam. His Majesty competed in the "B" class which was not so good for point gatherers but it was good enough for a player of "Magic: The Gathering" as there was lying some playing cards just behind the first control. Then came the first fault.

What a shame because it was an easy thing for every movie fan. See FilmovaMista.cz.

Then came the horses and I became faint. "My Kingdom for a horse!" but noone replied so I had to finish the race on my own. And then came another fault. I think You know the old orienteering proverb: "With honesty You run the longest route."

From that point it was a classic Prague routine: fall on poisonous plants, homeless homes, spines and mud. And are You still waiting for the above mentinoned mice? Then visit the facebook account of Mr Azak who gathered up the last control together with a mouse treasure guard.

Saturday afternoon and evening: Up and Down

The Christmas wander with the Royal family was up and down from Badbreeding to Girl Castles, Ant hill, Ploughshare, Peacock hill and finally to Nagano 98.

Then the "Kotlářka" soiree down in Souterrain. His Majesty took his time with his head down on the table then he woke up and went on. On the way to the disco we exchanged a cup for pot and we got high. And then finally we went down to the Heaven.

Sunday morning: I did not attend

Sunday evening: Three strikes are enough

Praga Magica - Prague Towers - Prague Evening Paper: what they have in common?
It is every time the same insanity. Better eating carps and buying gifts. But please do not study my route-choices because it is crap.

Three Flews Over Discoo's Nest

The Prague Winter League 38*53 has started this weekend by its first stage: "The Flew Over Three Ravines". The competition center was situated at the chocolate reservoir of the central Bohemian hamlet of Nice Piss - next destination for the network of Prague underground. The map named Chocolate Star II was a little bit enhanced map for MTBO. But the main elements were as usual: green forests and yellow meadows. Look below.

Map of the race with my Web-click-tool track

And what about my performance? Seriously nothing to talk about. I have been disqualified because of the false start according to the starting photo.

Ultimate evidence of my misconduct

Finally I have been banned from all orienteering events untill the end of November. So it is time to rest a little bit...

See You in December.

Moose Porn? Thanks, Not!

If You are a fan of sex with ungulate animals You have two main options:
1) visit webpage mylittleponny.horseporn.org.
2) attend a race held by Lame Orienteering Suckers.

 

After the September counterstrike of Captain Contour at Shark Ass Valley there was another pearl awaiting on Saturday. The former military area was a scenery for a thriller reported as the "Green Terror in Upper Withoutthanksville". This epithet does not report to the forgotten relicts of Peoples Army but to the abundant vegetation. And what about my performance: it was really impressive effort and I also had to mobilize all of my mental power to spent 78 minutes on middle distance.

Die Lustige Tabellen aus Sudetenland

Die Zwitterhütte

 

 Das Geheimnis des doppeltes Finger

   Das Zweite Gebot: "Du sollst den Namen des Monarchen, deinen Herrn, nicht unnützlich führen."

2013 Zombie Ravine - Middle Distnace

The Sunday middle distance is over so here is a small article about my performance at the Zombie Ravine.

The Race

My race started in nice atmosphere as all the categories from H21A to H21E in my minute were occupied by Prague bitches...

Captain Contour Strikes Back

This is how the profile of my race should look like if I had finished it:

And here is the reality:

The competition was organised by the Hispanic club of Los Melnikos in the forest of Los Sarcamento. The name of the map "General Sakra" refers to the disillusion when Your find out that white means green and green means Sarcamento State green. So after two-months Summer break I chose a tactic called "start-4th control-finish" which was almost the best one... Alas the fourth control was on the other edge of the race area. To the best of My belief I can say it was one of the worst Autumn PPŽ that I have ever run. If You are curious about the results than visit the website of the race.

The Rocky Horror Majesty Show

I know it is very sad but the (tabloid) media here in the Czech Republic are only interested in death. Fortunately there is an independent reporter Veličenstvo.com who informs You about the greatest achievements and the most breathtaking performances in the world of rock climbing. So here is the story of His Majesty.cz who climbed up the rocks of Bald Peak. Caution: You will not miss blood!

HM.cz climbed like the Superman (I mean the one who can't flight) with the right hand raised forward. It was really astonishing until...

...the Accident. A fatal error which resulted in a heavy wound of the Royal knee.

Although the Royal training load is equal to zero His Majesty still found some time to cheer up the team spirit.

Ví to táta, máma i tchýně -
nejhorší jsou ty sparťanský svině.

Veličenstvo Went Green!

As the season is underway and the weather is hot and sunny at the end of May it is a perfect period to improve map skills. So why not take a short map training in the near forrest of Little Voice at Not-bushville. Here are the maps:

Now I can tell You it is a disgusting advertising trick as the woods around Not-bushville are full of bushes. The map from Prague Winter League is really cool but today it should look almost like the former flag of Libya. And so was the weather - cold and rainy.

2nd PPŽ - Race at Necky Forrest

I am not sure what was the most f*cking about the race: f*cking weather or my f*cking routechoice... Anyway I really like the F word because there is the word King in it. As no results have been available yet I can tell you that my true race time was really astonishing.

Royal map with Jester's routechoice

Only Thirteen Hours To (Oh-My-)Go!

Only twelve hours are left to the start of Prague Championship on long distance. The drama takes place at the forrest theatre in Screamhezky. Now it is not clear whether it would be a comedy or tragedy but there will be one special quest: His Majesty.

But the whole race is really a mystery for me. I tried to read the instructions but Czech language is truly very hard to understand.

 

Welcome To The ZOO

Pigeon, Monkey, Phoenix and Little Animal Obviously. That is all I know about the last weekend. I'm sorry but I was sleeping all the time.

All started on Saturday at 9 AM: the departure was scheduled from Holešovice, but His Majesty was sleeping. And so went the rest of Saturday and Sunday. The results were cruel and the party is covered in haze...

So here are the maps from "Snivel Peak" and "Planet of the Apes"

Getting Ready for The Star Fight

4th NP LOB -B3 at the Free Order

The fourth night park ski-o event took place at the Gulch of Suffusions. His Majesty made some mistakes but We were still able to achieve top ten in the final standing. We got lost at the route from 11 to 8 and We lost Our way to the bridge and the brook-crossing was very cold.

This weekend His Majesty will try to survive another Ski-O stand at the Three Wells near the New Bulgarian Settlement. As seen below the understanding with the natives would be difficult.

A Quarter-thousand of Minutes in the Forest

Exactly our performance on both weekend Championships took 251 :15. That means over fifteen thousands seconds of excessive strain...ugh!

... but His Majesty is improving on long distance. Last year Our result at the race of Northstar Tirana was +79 minutes. This year it is only +60 minutes.
I must say: keep moving His Majesty and You will not be competition nihilist anymore!

Here is the map from the race with a very important message from the organizers: