1.000 of Trail Points

If you read my last post carefully you might think I collect only beers. But last two weeks were also in the name of collecting TT points. So here is the short summary of my performance. 

Note: Following article should contain some personal statements.

TT #02 Necky Forest / Tuesday 16th of June

It all started on last Tuesday in my team's homeforest. My team's not mine so still I had to use map for this easy trail. What a shame!...

...but maybe I redeemed myself a bit by wearing my new jersey for the first time?....

...or by running in those dirty Praga long compression socks?...

...or by filling my training meter for the first time?

SABZO - Run through the Star / Thursday 18th of June

I don't want to say that virtual races are something bad but sometimes you need something more challenging like some real cross country running race. So I followed the advice of our coach and attended the 43th edition of Run through the Star. This was my first race after more than four years. Last time I attended 39th edition of this race with finishing time 31:37. So at least I made some improvement since then. Alas even I ran not that bad I nearly was awarded the infamous Log of Praga. Hopefully the Younger Ground-Squirell saved me by registering himself for different team.

TT #30 Goat Spines / Friday 26th of June

As usual it all started badly after I nearly didn't reach the start of the trail. I used to go by train to Solutions before the COVID outbreak for long runs after work but this was my first time after the lockdown. I was in time for my train but as the bridge of the guy whose name can't be written (it contains the forbidden N* word) I was waiting at the station not at the stop. So I had to wait another twenty minutes for the arrival of Arriva trainweck....

As you can see from my results I could better take the underground and go home.

TT #15 Screamnothingville / Sunday 28th of June

This stage was complete disaster right from the start until the bitter end. My legs hurt and so was down my mental power. I always thought the forests there are quite plain but today I definetly learnt why they made so many curves on the railway track. However I finished the race and no matter my time I finally leap over 1.000 points in the Trail Tour '20 competition.

This afwul performance made me realize that I need some quality regeneration. So I decided to try some swimming. And why aiming at some little goals when I can always try harder so I swam across the well-known Macha Lake. Three times as you can see from my GPS record below!

Three Times Is Enough

Three races in the first six days of November is more racing than in total of previous six months. But so many checkpoints that these days that the crucial mistake must occur. And obviously it came at control "F" where I fucked it up as I forget that "F"ucking control. Nevermind still it was another unpleasant evening spent with racing and doping. But some dope to encourage memory would help too...

So that was time to say enough is enough. Time has come to drink some ion drinks to get back to balance of mental power and skill. And the best place was weekend trip to pub "By the Cripple" in Icebergmagnifyingglasses above Vltava where you pay fucking 50 pences for one beer and where the Errant Knight of Mapník was holding an anniversary celebration of his lifestyle magazine for better people. Amazing evening spent with golden beverage and even Golden Boy and only few gold was spent.

Gigantic Achievment

The 15th of Janury 2017 will be written in the history of O-sports in frozen letters as a day of returning of SOC (Skate Orienteering Competitions) to the calendar of PZL after nearly a five year delay. This skating event also became a world record holder of the lowest number of competitors who completed the race on skates. The final number was 0 out of 13 successful runners/skiers.

The race took place at the Floods Pond which really suits to the type of competiton which could be easily described like a waterskiing on ice. So it wasn't weird to absolve a part of the race off the ice.

And no to the results in a brief. An amazing performance by His Majesty - first podium in his first start of year 2017. So let's move to other big aims of this year.

Diploma

Map of Serbian Giant (note: gigantic size)

Ιλιάδα III

Today His Majesty Not-Menelaos, the former king of Sparta, went to pillage Troy - the famous fort in Little Asia (established name for the territory on the eastern shore of Vltava river). Homer's epos contains many useful information about the race but there is not any reference about the steep  arid slopes of Troy hillfort. The elevation to the start is almost equal to the whole climb of weekend relay races which I have already given up. According to Iliad the siege was to last ten years but His Majesty conquered Troy in less than fourty minutes. So it was another very succesful campaign.

Relay? - Don't Rely on Me!

My performance on Saturday Prague Relay Championship was more than satisfying. The basis of this success was laid in my decision to not take part in this race. Of course I had some silly reasons for skipping this event such a low stamina, many contour lines etc. But there were also some reasonable reasons for my decision. Here are the crucials.

1st: In reference to George Waxman there is a plenty of scrubs at the Hat.

2nd: Hatters gonna at hat. Stop this and try heal the world, make it a better place. Let's go hat free!

3rd: Also in the famous cartoon serie "The Little Kings from the Hat" is shown how the navigation is tricky in the Hat.

PS: Congratulation to my team colleagues and their heaps of gold! Mama & Papa must be satisfied.

Fifty Thousands of Gays

Another milestone in my orienteering career is here! My blog reached fifty thousands of views. Fifty thousands, can You ever imagine it? For better understading: fifty thousands is like fifty times one thousand or a square root of 2,5*E9. So here are some stats.

The less I publish the more followers I have. But I am sorry, I don't do it for an ephemeral fame so I will bring You another load of silly articles. Anyway the 18th of February is now going to be The Veličenstvo.com's Day. (Maybe the Valentine will have some troubles from now on...)

Thanks to all (three) readers, (thousands of) bots, (crowd of) spammers, seventeen fans of Zeldaporn...

...and also the travel agency Yugo-star!

The article should be ended by a positive tagline:

A Bridge Too Far

My first appereance in the ongoing PWL season was planned as a big ceremony of the 70th anniversary of the Operation Market Garden. Sorry I will not give You anymore information about my performance. Do You want to know more? Than watch it on TV Frnda.

Operation plan by Montgomery (left) and my route-choice (right)

But now I am really afraid of the oncoming Saturday race at Hammer where the bridges will be maybe intelligent but certainly they will be much more farther...

Ιλιάδα II

Today His Majesty Not-Menelaos, the former king of Sparta, went to pillage Troy - the famous fort in Little Asia (established name for the territory on the eastern shore of Vltava river). Homer's epos contains many useful information about the race but there is not any reference about the steep muddy slopes of Troy hillfort. The elevation to the first control is almost equal to the whole climb on Sunday 12 kilometers long event. According to Iliad the siege was to last ten years but His Majesty conquered Troy in less than one hour. So it was another very succesful campaign.

Map of the race by Heinrich Schliemann

Title Vanished in Hideouts

1797 – Valentine Waterman issued the first Slovenian newspaper

1797 – the Lame was discovered

1797 – Horatio Nelson lost his arm

1797 - is the amount of points I have scored during the just finished season of Prague Winter League. What a great number. Alas I need two more to beat Ivo Lore.

Glory to the Winter, honor to the losers,
shame to the Runner-up.

Again 2 Billy Goat? Rather Not!

The start of this year did not catch me up in a good shape. After losing the yellow jersey of PWL last week in the race "The Classic of Three Kings without King,"  I made my first participation in the Billy Goat Race. In the beginning it was good but in the middle it became as scary as the Czech animated horror movie "Goat Story."

Oh My Goat! I'm so frightened

It was more than two and a half of hours of suffering, pain and wandering around the control X. Then I finally reached the finish and can go home. Anyway according to the latest counts I have scored over 300 points. And that means my overall best score ever in a single race. And there is also another one reason to celebrate. As You can see in the chart below it was my best race of current season in the points per minute succes rate.

Hayrakes Plant River Slopes

Sunday PWL race was one of the breathtaking moments in the history of orienteering as the map was created by a groundbreaking technology in map-making.

It was very interesting race. Unfortunately the shadows doesn't lie and the promised elevation of 670 metres was also true. For example look at the control 24.

 The dark side of the map was not so veget. So the gray-brown map was much more useful.

After finish I changed my clothes and had about ten minutes until the departure of our train home. But when the competiton centre is in a beer garden of a railway-station restaurant it is a call of duty to have at least one beer. So one big quick medium billy-goat fixed it.

Lack of Mental Towers

Abundance of Prague Powers

"The only good tourist is a dead tourist."

Fictive Runner

3rd Prague Towers

around 2013 A.D.

German tourism, Italian tourism, Spanish tourism - racing torturism.

Exchange of the Castle Guards - nothing to regard.

One hundred fourty-two mintues - that's all, ende schluss.

Trust me. I am not a scientist: Golden Eppendorf

On Wednesday I attended a night race in the Necky forest. The competiton was organised only for researchers but as once I am the Majesty I can go everywhere. Below you can see the map of the race with my routechoice. Please take on your headlight and turn it on to see the map properly.

Merry Bikers Without Bikes

Satruday: sprint training in West Givemore only for invited V.I.P.

Sunday: His Majesty was organizing the middle distance race in Invitemoreville. The center of the competition was very friendly.

Children, where ends every race?

Every race ends in a pub.

Monday: Sprint competition in Taketon.

Poor effort by His Majesty who finished just behind Washing Machine (same as at the Where? race one week before). I did not make any big mistake but my pace was slow as You can see on my O-track below.

But that was only a prolog for much more challenging afternoon stage of Tour de Glass in the local brewery. I am curious what species of bear do they have in Bearoun as it was only the end of October and the service in the Bear Brewery seemed put deeply into hibernation. Despite that bad conditions His Majesty had fought bravely.

Final causalities on the side of the Bear Army: one glass biker, two golden horses, one gaylord sponsored by Pine and finally three plastic bikers who persecuted us in our train.

Moose Porn? Thanks, Not!

If You are a fan of sex with ungulate animals You have two main options:
1) visit webpage mylittleponny.horseporn.org.
2) attend a race held by Lame Orienteering Suckers.

 

After the September counterstrike of Captain Contour at Shark Ass Valley there was another pearl awaiting on Saturday. The former military area was a scenery for a thriller reported as the "Green Terror in Upper Withoutthanksville". This epithet does not report to the forgotten relicts of Peoples Army but to the abundant vegetation. And what about my performance: it was really impressive effort and I also had to mobilize all of my mental power to spent 78 minutes on middle distance.

After Hundred Years In A Quarantine And At A Football Game

The preparation for Waterville Carp is going on so I have not much time to write about some not-top races which I attended last weekend. So here is a short report.

Saturday 10/05/13: Sprint race at Jirovec Square. And it was very prestigious race as His Majesty was kept in a quarantine. The time of the day was 20:42.

20:42

My routechoice at the sprint at Jirovec Square

Sunday 10/06/13: Classic distance at Sugartop. The competition center was in Claymore. The highlight of the day was the match of Junior Carp League between Claymore and Lower Shoreville. The final result was 5:7 as the home team scored once from penalty and twice from free-kick (so they have to visit Waterville to gain more ammunition for their next play).... And my race. I became dead after 4th control but then I got enlighted at 8th control and scored the best routechoice of October.

Junior Carp League match of Claymore against Lower Shoreville

The routechoice of the month at Sugartop

You'll Never Walk Alone

September is the month of walking up the hill and orienteering is a great opportunity to find some co-walkers. Especially if You chose the appropriate races with enough elevation like His Majesty did in last two weeks:

 

The eleven days of elevation were crowned by the training competiton at Whirl of Visas which was accompained my Czech championship on classic distance. The event was held by Albania SUmperk and it speaks for itself. But now it is time to stop crying and get prepared for the main part of the season: Prague & Carp.

Map Torso

2013 Zombie Ravine - Middle Distnace

The Sunday middle distance is over so here is a small article about my performance at the Zombie Ravine.

The Race

My race started in nice atmosphere as all the categories from H21A to H21E in my minute were occupied by Prague bitches...

Vomit Gall at Gall

My time: HH:BG
My place: not last but not least
Weather: sunny, hot
Last refreshment point: after one quarter of the track

Map of the class H21B with my routechoice

Report will come later after the Sunday race.

The Rocky Horror Majesty Show

I know it is very sad but the (tabloid) media here in the Czech Republic are only interested in death. Fortunately there is an independent reporter Veličenstvo.com who informs You about the greatest achievements and the most breathtaking performances in the world of rock climbing. So here is the story of His Majesty.cz who climbed up the rocks of Bald Peak. Caution: You will not miss blood!

HM.cz climbed like the Superman (I mean the one who can't flight) with the right hand raised forward. It was really astonishing until...

...the Accident. A fatal error which resulted in a heavy wound of the Royal knee.

Although the Royal training load is equal to zero His Majesty still found some time to cheer up the team spirit.

Ví to táta, máma i tchýně -
nejhorší jsou ty sparťanský svině.

Long Way from Short Race

What to write about the Czech Championship on Short Distance (Middle in Czech) when I failed to qualify for the race? Better nothing because I ran only training class and so it cannot be counted as a stage of TdB 2013. So let's have a short look on the maps from long training and go ahead.

Saturday T4

Sunday T4

Below You can read why the Balkan trips are so cruel for the exalted Royal nobility as the voyage from the eastern remote county to Our capital city took me 11 hours.
13:07 CET: Leaving competition center at Qytetin e Vjetër nën Maldëborë
16:47 CET: Arrival at Holesovice railway station and taking public transport to the Bushtecastle track
17:07 CET: Arrival at Dejvice railway station and waiting for Our Royal Train. Why not drink one beer to overcome the waiting?
18:07 CET: Still waiting for the Train. Let's have another beer....
19:07 CET: Still drinking beer.
20:07 CET: Drinking beer
21:07 CET: Beer.
22:07 CET: Still waiting for the Train. Beergarden is closed so let's wait inside and drink some more.
23:07 CET: Beer.
23:47 CET: Fuck off with the train. Let's go for a tram.
00:27 CET: Finally arrival at Home...