The First Week of May - The Time of O-love

 Another week passed by with so many orienteering event and so little time to write at least something stopid about all of it. There were two official events and two unofficial so I will go back in time and try to write something about each of them briefly. Just notice the report is written retrospectively.

aknamiloF - 6# tnirpS noogarD

.lizarB ot gniniart ykcirt dna ecin eht rof sknahT .yawaddaeH fo etutitsnI the dnuora 9 ot 8 lortnoc morf eciohcetuor tseisae eht ni dekcus I tub hcraM ni trofeserehT morf ecnereipxe ym desu I .ylno sdnoces 01 yb em gnitaeb rovaf sih ni dedne hcihw namdaerB eyR htiw thgif gib rehtona osla dna tneve-O rehtona, yad rehtonA

seciohcetuor ym htiw paM

!ti evahS - 9# eugael-O

.rorepmE eno fo elur eht rednu eporuE elohw eht tinu ot detnaw ohw nam a osla saw eh yawynA .dnalneteduS ni yrewerB nielneH darnoK yb dewerb si hcihw gniK deR dellac ela der fo tnip a saw drawer ehT .namdaerB eyR dniheb setunim wef tsuj emit ecin etiuq htiw hsinif ot hguone hgih saw rewop latnem ym llits tub ekatsim gib eno edam I .noinU naeporuE ot ruonoh eht ni dleh UE yrogetac tseb eht esoohc I taht suoegaruoc os tlef I .eugarP fo egde tsehtruf eht fo eno ta saw ti neve tneve siht ssim ton dluoc I.

01 rebmun lortnoc ot ekatsim ym htiw pam ehT

ecnatsiD cissalC nileffehcS ta nilehciM lacissalC

.ecnereffid setunim ruof htiw namdaerB eyR taeb yllanif I tsael tA .em htiw secar eht rof nilehciM ylleb ym gnikat ton htiw krow drah emos evah llits I ekil skooL .revo etunim eno naht ssel htiw tsuj laog eht gnissim retfa lufsseccusnu saw "001" eugaeL ehT taeb ot noissim retal ym llits tub detcepxe I naht retteb nur I ylgnisirpruS. htgnel ni sertemolik neetriht ylraen fo sretemarap hsrah htiw tneve ecnatsid lacissalc a rof emac I yadnuS nO.

dehsilpmocca ton noissiM

phisnoipmahC elddiM eugarP

...llihpu dna llihpu ,llihpu saw ti sa tsuj gnihtyna rebmemer ton od I tub tnew I oS .on yas tonnac uoy ellivrecnaC meaT SEY yb dezinagro ecar a si ereht nehW

lanoisseforp a si enoyreve toN

Let's Sprint Again, Like We Did Last Summer!

I know the title of this article sound cool but it is complete bullshit because I really didn't compete in any type of event last Summer. Anyway when there is a chance to undergo some sprint practice then why not to participate. So on Wednesday I went for the first race of Dragoon Sprints Spring Series (DSSS - please not to be confused with Workers Social Justice Party) organized by Mr. Groove. Well it's meant for dragoons, cavalry or maybe some horsemen but luckily even fat slow and dumb war elephants can take part. So did I but even I was running too slow still I wasn't able to make precious route-choices. So maybe next time at another training. I know this weekend is the Prague Championship race in sprint - but for sure I give up in advance...

Find a difference

O-league #5 Cuntratice

On the last day of March I crossed the Volga river to compete in another edition of Freezer's O'league. The weather was freezing like in Russian movie so I better run before being denazificated. Although I am a noble monarchist but when visiting the East you never know.

The race was nice, sometimes in forest and so long. Even that long that I can't even upload the whole map here because I don't want to exceed the capacity of my storage. You know times are bad and even the amount of Royal gigabytes isn't unlimited.

The crucial moment of my run came between checkpoints six and seven. I decided to go over the hill along the wall but suddenly I found myself literally between fences! Am I crazy? Luckily not yet too much but almost too fat to get through a hole in a wire mesh fence. But with the help of lion power I managed to escaped from this trap with some rests of mental power as well.

The course then led around Šeberák Pond which I tought is famous for Dead Dogs but that's not all. It is also very popular among nudists and some guys for something else I learnt later in my Palace. So at the end of the day I was happy that the weather was so fucking cold because recently I am not that fast to prevent my ass from some crusing. Even it is only a pond there I guess it might cause me seasick...

1.000 of Trail Points

If you read my last post carefully you might think I collect only beers. But last two weeks were also in the name of collecting TT points. So here is the short summary of my performance. 

Note: Following article should contain some personal statements.

TT #02 Necky Forest / Tuesday 16th of June

It all started on last Tuesday in my team's homeforest. My team's not mine so still I had to use map for this easy trail. What a shame!...

...but maybe I redeemed myself a bit by wearing my new jersey for the first time?....

...or by running in those dirty Praga long compression socks?...

...or by filling my training meter for the first time?

SABZO - Run through the Star / Thursday 18th of June

I don't want to say that virtual races are something bad but sometimes you need something more challenging like some real cross country running race. So I followed the advice of our coach and attended the 43th edition of Run through the Star. This was my first race after more than four years. Last time I attended 39th edition of this race with finishing time 31:37. So at least I made some improvement since then. Alas even I ran not that bad I nearly was awarded the infamous Log of Praga. Hopefully the Younger Ground-Squirell saved me by registering himself for different team.

TT #30 Goat Spines / Friday 26th of June

As usual it all started badly after I nearly didn't reach the start of the trail. I used to go by train to Solutions before the COVID outbreak for long runs after work but this was my first time after the lockdown. I was in time for my train but as the bridge of the guy whose name can't be written (it contains the forbidden N* word) I was waiting at the station not at the stop. So I had to wait another twenty minutes for the arrival of Arriva trainweck....

As you can see from my results I could better take the underground and go home.

TT #15 Screamnothingville / Sunday 28th of June

This stage was complete disaster right from the start until the bitter end. My legs hurt and so was down my mental power. I always thought the forests there are quite plain but today I definetly learnt why they made so many curves on the railway track. However I finished the race and no matter my time I finally leap over 1.000 points in the Trail Tour '20 competition.

This afwul performance made me realize that I need some quality regeneration. So I decided to try some swimming. And why aiming at some little goals when I can always try harder so I swam across the well-known Macha Lake. Three times as you can see from my GPS record below!

I Go On MMXX - First Real Race of the Season

It has been more than eight long months since I could visit last normal O-race. So I hope it does not look like an addiction that I went this week almost to the borders of Balkan to make my first start of this season - in the middle of June.

Hopefully with the great effort of organizers everything went smooth. We all know the high moral standard of all O-runners so no Government regulations were vioalted and the event could be held without any difficulties. Just see it by yourself below.

Note: my special programm just censored those few runners who just were in need of doing some activity that prevented them wearing facemask

Center of the race at Pine Parquet

And what about my performance - the best of the season so far I would say. Up and down, I mean mentally down and physically up, that brought me to beat League-100 at least with fine reserve and without extras.

Killed man's map

Despite spending nearly one hunder minutes in the terrain my watches told me I did only maintance training. So I guess it is time to fuck off with training. I am going to be an activist!

Twice around the dial

At Least 1st Appearance at the Last Race

As the season is ending I realized I had to visit at least one race to qualify for the Club championship which is held next weekend at a secret place. Unfortunately the last event of Prague Autumn Cup was organised by club of Very Sadistic Persons who are most famous for their torture races in the steep slopes above Bear River all the way from Blackfemale to Baldhill. However I must appraise their perverse sense of humor when they named the map of the race „Red Clay“ while you have to run 73,2% of the course on grey stones. Ok not in my case, to be honest I don’t run anymore so it was over an hour of walking in terrains which are not suitable even for any mean of human motion.

Red Clay map seen by red-blooded view 

But when I saw the map I was stunned. The section from the start to the checkpoint number 9 was so crushing that it literally made me fell at my ass while crying. Luckily my ass is too big that is was a soft landing and at least I have some short-term souvenir and another lack of mental power too.

Red Clay makes you purple make-up

Maybe the Best Majesty's Article of May

Another month is over since the last blog entry so here is a short report from two main events of May.

1st paragraph: Again at Tulip - this time in U-woof

My fifth participation at the Tulip turned to a shameful defeat. My performance was really lousy so I put my results in the excel to create a spreadsheet which gave me a sorrowful feedback. I am almost six time worse than the ideal runner. But the next volume of Tulip will be held in more than 500 days so I have to improve my shape by one percent every day to gain a perfect result next year.

It is always good to find some positives and here is one: I have finished fifteen stages of Tulip without being disqualified!

Bonus for BT friends - The Museum of Blllllllllllllllll

2nd paragraph: Organizing - We are firmly in the Saddle 
   

This year first federal ranking competition was held by our club at the mature south of Bohemia in Albrechtville by Sushi Town. The proximity of this city well-known for Japanese food has lead to an animosity to all Chinese (see the picture from the latest protest - link).

Saturday - Everything went okay except the hockey. So I could go to the Royal bed without any concern.

Sunday - When eighteen is enough to drink beer then eighteen refresh points should be enough for long distance race. But being the CRETEN (= "Chief of Refreshment Executive of 10th level") was a though challenge. However after the discovery of the initial concept of Sunday refresh points the reality was easy-going.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of PGP Squad!

This weekend His Majesty celebrated the end of his worst season in PGP jersey. It all started at my volcano and ended near Rabbstein upon Naked Gun River. The night party was so big that it hit the sport news headlines all over the world including ESPN or YouTube.

Sunday: Chilling Frying at Wok 1991
The morning race was a though challenge and I tried very hard. But after taking the countersild route-choice to the 5th control the race became a struggle for life.

But to be honest that wasn't a real mistake. It was a viral advertisement for my new sponsor - BubbleBuzol.

"It points to almost two different Norths, so I can run wherever I want."
"When I can't concetrate I took small mistake."
"When I have hangover I took bigger mistake."
"BubbleBuzol is for guys who are able to mess up the race by themselves."

Direction North

Last week His Majesty made an inspection journey to the northern territories. Here is a short report.

Litoměřický tulipán started under the Castle of Hazmburk and it was fun as always. Alas my great performance brought me first potatoes of the day just six seconds behind the world champion. Unfortunately the slopes of the former volcano have owergrown with thorns since the Medieval.

Competiton area of the 1^st stage in the 14^th Century

Libochovice Castle was the centre of the afternoon part of the races. The second stage was maybe the biggest discotheque O-race in the universe but I made it and average performance in the third stage gained me the overall potato position in my 4^th participation at the Tulip.

Litvínov is well-known for ice hockey and petrochemical industry. But the races in Amongpinewoods proved that there are also nice and tough orienteering terrains. And so is the weather there in the Tough Mountains.

Chempoetrol - the greatest monument of the City of Chemists

The middle distance started with ten controls of trudging in hillside. Digging with my snout in mud almost depleted my mental power and nearly resulted in my end with orienteering. Then came the best moment of the whole day – the best goulash on orienteering races in last fourteen years.

But the biggest bomb has blown in my sprint race. I took the control descriptions from the previous race. This almost went to my nervous breakdown, another end with orienteering and over two minutes loss on the first control where I was tottering round like a drunken tourist. However I rose again got back to the race and run like a hurricane. Neither camera could get me!

Devil's Head - Devil's Map

After the appalling results of Horseburns Volunteer Burners in Handcuffies fireman races

and my overall great performance through the whole career which ensured me many medals

I started my preparation for master class this Saturday.

... not an orienteering masterpiece but I still have a few years ahead of becoming a master.