Hammertime

...and the loser - the loser is - is MC - MC Majesty.com...

Can't run this

Can't run this

Can't run this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)

Can't run this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) My-my-my-my map keeps me so hard makes me say oh Mr Frost Thank you for blessing me with a course to die and two lame feet

That's good when you know I am down

A super dope homeboy from the Eyetown

And I'm known as such

And this is a course uh I can't run

I told you homeboy I can't run this

Yeah that's how we're mrchin' and you know I can't run this

Look in the maps man I can't run this

You know let me bust the funky bushes I can't run this

Fresh new kicks and pants

You got it like that now you know I wanna yield

So move out of your seat

And get a fly girl and catch this beer

While it's rollin' hold on map a little bit

And let me know it's going on like that like that

Cold on a mission so pull on back

Let 'em know that you're too much

And this is a race uh I can't run

Yo I told you I can't run this

Why you standing there man I can't run this

Yo sound the loudspeaker is in sucker I can't run this

Give me a beer or wine

Making 'em sweat that's what I'm giving up

Now they know when you talk about the Hammer

You talk about a show that's hyped and tight

Runners are sweatin' so pass them a map

Or a tape to learn what it's gonna take

And now he's gonna burn

The charts legit either work hard

Or you might as well quit

That's word because you know

Can't run this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)

Can't run this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)

Break it down

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh)

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh)

Stop Hammer time

Go with the flow in a spin if I can't move to this

Then I probably am dead

So wave your hands in the air

Bust through the moves run my fingers through my head

This is it for a winner

Gallop to this and I'm gonna get thinner

Move slide my rump

Just for a minute let's all do the bump

Bump bump bump yeah

Can't run this

Look man I can't run this You'll probably get hyped boy 'cause you know I can't I can't run this Ring the bell race's over break it down (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Stop Hammer time (Oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) (Oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) (Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh) (Oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) I can't run this (Oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) I can't run this (Oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) I can't run this (Oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) break it down (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Stop Hammer time Every time you see me that Hammer's just so hype I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the chip Now why would I ever stop running this With others makin' races that just don't hit I toured around the world from Levski to Braník It's Hammer go Hammer It's a Hammer yo Hammer and the restaurant hey Can't run this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) Can't run this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) Can't run this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) Yeah I can't run this I told you I can't run this (oh-oh oh-oh-oh) Too hype can't run this Get me outta here I can't run this (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

but I ran this

A Bridge Too Far

My first appereance in the ongoing PWL season was planned as a big ceremony of the 70th anniversary of the Operation Market Garden. Sorry I will not give You anymore information about my performance. Do You want to know more? Than watch it on TV Frnda.

Operation plan by Montgomery (left) and my route-choice (right)

But now I am really afraid of the oncoming Saturday race at Hammer where the bridges will be maybe intelligent but certainly they will be much more farther...

Tur de Balkan Episode 1 - Aftermath

The Tur de Balkan is like Tour de Balkan without the O. The episode one took place in September when His Majesty visited Grăzulsupra Moravîţşa. But this report has an appendix which is promoted together with a famous Czech fashion copmany on Vagus.cz. Unfortunately that website is only in Czech langauge. So today I would like to introdukce You my article in English. Thanks to Microsoft ® Translator. 

Haridk over Moravicí: in lock and in underlocker

Salesian haridk over Moravicí town, is dominated by two locks. And even one local station looks like the Manor House, because in fact you could say three. But like encouraging poetics based, is enough for Mr. When you get off the train right through the doors of the nádražku integrated so that you'll see in the Park on a local station. The building is connected to the bus stop.

This is actually a pub pub or bar? It is a name? I have no idea. Façade of the House probably came from the dream of only one serious mad architect sign advertising sweet, beer, making lemonade, and so on. In addition, in front of the open door is the ads on a kid. Do not hesitate and climbing in the train of qoortir, is an hour inside. Reminds me of a fair-haired where I kozlíka on bars and the Foxes have holes, but unfortunately only the next tab on the corner doing paper company themselves.

The pub has a magic atmosphere, panoramic windows overlooking the main artery through the sun broke the Conference Chair, sit several regulars and there's a pair of horns. Meanwhile, on the radio (I understand it right) report on the accident that opavském kruháči, and the bar is swept up in complexity, if possible, in a column in the city (local I look worse). So you better with Your pražáckým I sit quietly in the corner of dialect and sucking kid. But when I raise my head up and directly on the ceiling of coronary arteries? Paintbrushing has Tickets, which is dominated by Satan, I put myself into the conversation. But just as secretly sick, especially when it is to be taken from floor to ceiling. From barmaid proudly reported that it would hurt her, her assistant at the bar offered me that I'm going to fuck you. I'm not arguing for a long time, and he's excited? A guest from the table to look at "22" and not attempt to dump him, Rick "the devil is twenty-two." Yes, he's stronger than primalex inflation. Kick the devil, which require already adopted the Buffalo I. I want to let you go, I'm on the train.

I can sit here any longer, half hourly train there busy. But in Prague, the road is long. So I'm sitting toward motormachin of Opava and the only weapon, what is the area of Czech Switzerland.

Atmosphere: ***

The operation detail here: ***

Beer: **

Food: not yet rated – there are all these goodies?

Putt: wrong, I wasn't looking for

Majesty

The Naked Gun: From the Files of PGP Squad!

This weekend His Majesty celebrated the end of his worst season in PGP jersey. It all started at my volcano and ended near Rabbstein upon Naked Gun River. The night party was so big that it hit the sport news headlines all over the world including ESPN or YouTube.

Sunday: Chilling Frying at Wok 1991
The morning race was a though challenge and I tried very hard. But after taking the countersild route-choice to the 5th control the race became a struggle for life.

But to be honest that wasn't a real mistake. It was a viral advertisement for my new sponsor - BubbleBuzol.

"It points to almost two different Norths, so I can run wherever I want."
"When I can't concetrate I took small mistake."
"When I have hangover I took bigger mistake."
"BubbleBuzol is for guys who are able to mess up the race by themselves."

Egggate

Today around 7 am His Majesty became a victim of unprecedented act of violence. The eggassination took place on the Royal Way at Monte Rosso while His Majesty was on his routine way to the Office. His Majesty escaped without taking any serious injury and continue in service for his people.

Photographic documentation of the crime scene:

And here is the press release for Our serfs:

No Work - No Pies

Today, in the 21st century, everybody can be a head chef. So His Majesty presents you three cheap and disgusting recipes.

 

#3: Kidney pie

#2: Liver pie

#1: Throat pie

After Ten Years on the Crime Scene

Two weeks ago was the 10th anniversary of the sprint race in Grăzul supra Moravîţşa and the following party in Şcripoveanu - famous for example for "who piss on Bob the Builder incident". And today His Majesty came back.

Former competition bitch, now corporation and conference bitch

Then, in 2004, I was so focused on my last race in "A-class" when only 3 seconds divided me from the 25th place that I didn't join the others to visit the mansion of the Prince of Pornfolk. Necessary to tell that I hadn't possesed the Royal title that time.

Competition centre 2014 / my standing 2004

So I didn't miss it this time. Unfortunately the Prince had hid himself.

King 'n Prince selfie

I couldn't compare to the Beer-box-blog and his exotic missions but as You can see below Opava is father east than the east itself.

Another Aspect of the World of O

After more than three months of wasted attemps to finish a race without being disqualified I focused on the other side of orienteering - ripping off the runners. 

On Saturday I started with my demo fast food at the race on Wax Crayon. However this enterprise had rapidly gone to an economical suicide. We ran out of sausages, bread, charcoal... In the end we had only green and rain.

But I'm preparing a new brand for worldwide expansion just now. Soon in every castle around Europe.

On Sunday I was put away to the outermost part of the competition area to patrol our lampions againts the eastern horde. Although the banishment I had royal conditions there. As usualy.

Ivánek, my friend, can You talk?

The Czech O-team photo reveals who is behind the latest achievments of its members.

There is going to be a big interview with Ian Miner in the new issue of Czech Orienteering magazine or in Sunday Lightning.

I Go On XXI - Tour des Balkans Petites

Mascocote of the race

One would have expected that Economists know the old Truth: „Time is money.“ But everything is different in the Balkans. So it started with the start which was postponed twice so I had to wait more than twenty minutes more for my first start since my June failure at the Bunny Mine. The race soon gaind steep trend but the best was yet to come. And that was a little excursion to the „Praguebitch Sport Complex.“ There was a crucial choice from 6th to 7th control. There has been a big discussion about the best way but You know the another old Truth: „Who doesn't cheat is cheating own family.“

Being the last boy scout should be very frustrating and could cost a lot of mental power which later I missed for searching checkpoint in the homeless slopes of Vitusmetal Hill. So that happened to be a second disqualification in a row...

Corrected results according to ISSOM

Red Hand - Dement

„Doufáme, že se Vám nakonec tratě i přes jejich náročnost líbily a že Vás neodradily od Vaší účasti na našich dalších závodech.“

Katie Cash & Springer Pole, 9^th June 2014

Yes, as You hope. I've been discouraged not only from Your races....

But get back to the beginning. The weekend races have balls. Big balls. Exactly the camel balls in that arid conditions. Fortunately down in the village of Littlemonk there is a candy shop where camel balls are distributed. Going faster than 3 miles per hour I managed to finish the "B-class" long distance under 144 minutes and 9 seconds. After the race I had mental power only to have Lidl dinner and to rest until the middle distance competition.

But on Sunday my goblet of bitternes had run over and I give up the race on 19th control from 21. First disqualification after more than one year is a good sign to have a break...

And finally the maps - from Saturday:

and Sunday:

Ιλιάδα II

Today His Majesty Not-Menelaos, the former king of Sparta, went to pillage Troy - the famous fort in Little Asia (established name for the territory on the eastern shore of Vltava river). Homer's epos contains many useful information about the race but there is not any reference about the steep muddy slopes of Troy hillfort. The elevation to the first control is almost equal to the whole climb on Sunday 12 kilometers long event. According to Iliad the siege was to last ten years but His Majesty conquered Troy in less than one hour. So it was another very succesful campaign.

Map of the race by Heinrich Schliemann

Direction South - Direction Middle-East

Here is a long-delayed article about the latest races of His Majesty on 10th to 11th and on 17th to 18th of May.

The first round of Czech "B" Cup was held on halfway from Prague to the Middle-East region – home of famous clubs like Arabia Shumperq, United Hana Emirates, Zhabistan or Saudi Ostravia. You can also find many petroleum princes in the results like Al Qaydi, Al Da or Al Yosha. But the results were the biggest problem during the races because somebody turnoff the computer during the Sunday race. Briefly the organizers from Heinrichs Graz prepared nice races - rainy and tough.

The first round of Czech "A" Cup was held on halfway from Prague to the Middle-East region – home of famous clubs like Arabia Shumperq, United Hana Emirates, Zhabistan or Saudi Ostravia. You can also find many petroleum princes in the results like Al Qaydi, Al Da or Al Yosha. But the results were the biggest problem during the races because somebody turnoff the computer during the Sunday race. Briefly the organizers from Cownewmoon prepared nice races - rainy and tough.

Meanwhile at the Castle

Semi-Balkan relays are not for me. Especially when it is a time for big party to celebrate the 1st anniversary of another Veličenstvo.com blog resurrection.

Happy New Year!

List of WHORES

The first edition of the list of runners WHO Run Exclusively on Sunday is here.

Direction North

Last week His Majesty made an inspection journey to the northern territories. Here is a short report.

Litoměřický tulipán started under the Castle of Hazmburk and it was fun as always. Alas my great performance brought me first potatoes of the day just six seconds behind the world champion. Unfortunately the slopes of the former volcano have owergrown with thorns since the Medieval.

Competiton area of the 1^st stage in the 14^th Century

Libochovice Castle was the centre of the afternoon part of the races. The second stage was maybe the biggest discotheque O-race in the universe but I made it and average performance in the third stage gained me the overall potato position in my 4^th participation at the Tulip.

Litvínov is well-known for ice hockey and petrochemical industry. But the races in Amongpinewoods proved that there are also nice and tough orienteering terrains. And so is the weather there in the Tough Mountains.

Chempoetrol - the greatest monument of the City of Chemists

The middle distance started with ten controls of trudging in hillside. Digging with my snout in mud almost depleted my mental power and nearly resulted in my end with orienteering. Then came the best moment of the whole day – the best goulash on orienteering races in last fourteen years.

But the biggest bomb has blown in my sprint race. I took the control descriptions from the previous race. This almost went to my nervous breakdown, another end with orienteering and over two minutes loss on the first control where I was tottering round like a drunken tourist. However I rose again got back to the race and run like a hurricane. Neither camera could get me!

Devil's Head - Devil's Map

After the appalling results of Horseburns Volunteer Burners in Handcuffies fireman races

and my overall great performance through the whole career which ensured me many medals

I started my preparation for master class this Saturday.

... not an orienteering masterpiece but I still have a few years ahead of becoming a master.

Easter Mister Twister

Last weekend I went to reach the Upper Maximum near Braunberg. I went through many trainings with balanced poor performance which is summarized in my score chart below.

And finally just one map - to brush the  orienteering technique.

Caution: the map above is a intellectual property of High Tatra Racing Team

Back to Bussines

The fun on maps is over and His Majesty got back to racing. Thursday night was held a night university race at SUCK. The competition was organised by Natural Scientists and it were really five kilometers of asphalt research. See the star route-choice on the star track.

Race Constellation invented by The Astronomer

Pisson Issom

As the knowledge of the sprint rules is very low among the orienteers the IOF together with the national federations has come up with a new educational campaing.

The Czech mutation of the new IOF add

On this occasion let's have a look at some misunderstanding of the "sprint-key" and learn some useful hints for sprints. For example we can investigate the still fresh Prague Sprint Championship. 

Case merging: Train parkour, gain skills like Spiderman and then you can easily surpass any double-cliff. Or is it something else what's going on?

Case mr(a)čoun: Now what does the symbol 707 should mean? Maybe a line 0,7 mm?
No, why not use two thin lines, just for sure!

And finally the golden nail of the race: the stupidest sprint route in the history of orienteering.

Homework for readers: take a look what chapter 2.4 of ISSOM says and write a short essay about a consumer society. Please send your opinions to: velicenstvo@iof.budweiser.com

Attention: the text below is a personal statement

Sprague Print Championship

That's all to the Truth. It is time for my subjective aspect. Great race – I didn't get trapped so I am more than satisfied with my result. And afterall I went over seven thousands of ranking points for the first time since may 2012. Excellent gain from a sprint race over 22 minutes.

Rating of my result: 117,68%

Preparing for Prague Championship

As the local very prestige championship in long sprint is getting near His Majesty decided to improve his sprint skills. Because the competitors (His Majesty) from Our Kingdom weren't allowed to participate in the EOC in Portugal I must find another challenge and the Third World Park League is perfect for me. The conditions are not so different from the high-class races: no lampions on the controls, amateur map and little prize-money. Today stage was held in Green Town.

Green Town Sprint 2014 - whole map

The second crucial point on the track was the route-choice to the second control. The first crucial point was surprisingly the route-choice to the first control. 

Third crucial point on the track

Below You can see the results - great performance by His Majesty. And now it is time to regenerate and get prepared for tommorow race where the competition will be even tougher. 

Wild West and East End

This weekend was full of races around the city of "G" to remind the friendship between Belgians and Hungarians. It consisted of four championships in relays and sprint on Saturday and one local cup race on Sunday. Below is a short summary.

1st leg: In the memory of WWII

The Liberation Cup was held on the Bolevec beach near Oostende(1 on the occasion of the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Belgium(2. It was my premier start in a relay race for my new club and my team was really great: Spermophilus and False Coalman. The controls right after the start were hidden in the Nazi entrechments and the controls in the end were hidden in the mine-fields(3 around beach. The crucial point was the route-choice to the spectators control where one cound choose between drowning in a swamp or running all the way from the east end of Oostende beach. The final poisiton of our team corresponded to being the "A-team." We finished very close to the first position from the bottom.

See track-track Montgomery (orange) versus Rommel (red)

1) The world largest sea harbour beginning with double „O“.

2) Allied forces deliberated Belgium in september 1944 (according to a novel by A.Hitler "How I Lost the War" (88-publishers, Berlin)).

3) Former army mines from WWII are now replaced by under-paper human mines.

2nd leg: Nyugat-Csehország bajnokságot sprint

Center of the afternoon sprint race was situated at the commercial zone of Kossuthvaros(4. I have never seen such an equipped competition centre before. You could get almost everything from cotton candy, jelly snakes and energy celles to antifreeze blend and car wiper.

The competiton area was sweet as the name of the map Makoš II(5 but many of the runners were wandering through the park like Ondřej Vesecký(6 while searching the Nép Stadium in Budapest(7. Precise effort of His Majesty made him finish just in seven-eighths of twenty minutes.

4) Hometown of Lajos Kossuth – Hungarian freedom-fighter.   

5) Makos guba – Hungarian Christmas dessert.   
6) Czech athelete born 1955 in Prague. European champion in 1 500 m (EC 1986 Stuttgart). Holder of IOC Fair-play Award (see „Letná tunnel incident“ for further information).   
7) Former capital city of Slovakia named after a curd spread.

Epilogue: Málo slávy u Úslavy

Honestly Sunday long distance were definitely two middle races divided by two long routes. And finally another Timber(8 gained – mission accomplished.

8) A piece of wood. "Magical artefacts representing a phallic symbol are mostly widespread in native cultures. The object is believed to be followed by an unearthly power". (Charles Darwin – "Descent of Man to Emotions")